Devils Roses 01 - Cursed

would. I had counted on him liking me, to feel like a normal girl. He had always been my back-up plan for love. I thought that as long as he liked me, it didn’t matter that all the other boys didn’t.
    I knew that to be a girl who felt good about her body image, I didn’t need the approval of boys. I knew it to be a truth, but at the same time, I had wanted Blake to like me. Somehow believing that Blake liked me in the romantic way, made me just a little more confident. I felt that confidence leave my body, like air leaving a balloon.
    None of my fantasy would ever come true and I truly would always be an unlovable monster.
    I nodded, trying to avoid the weight of the discovery. “I need some air, Blake. I’ll be right back.”
    He put his hand out to stop me, but I burst past him, leaving him in the make out room.
    I didn’t hate him—I couldn’t hate him. I hated myself for banking on him being the one I could fall back on, in my time of desperation and loneliness. I felt so frustrated and embarrassed. I had been so certain. He had led me to believe it. I thought of the million times he touched my hand or smiled at me. The way he kept his gaze after he smiled, lingering. He came to my house everyday. I thought about when my mom died and how he had slept in my bed with me for two weeks, holding me. Had I misread it all?
    Tears threatened to spring from my eyes, but I looked around at the ridiculous group of drunken teenagers and knew I would never cry in front of them.
    I rushed through the back door in the kitchen and felt the refreshing wind hit me, like a beacon of safety. I ran down the back steps of the deck onto the back lawn. Shane had a massive yard with a small amount of oceanfront. Really though, the whole town had either oceanfront or ocean view.
    I walked to the far side of the lawn, where I sat down on the cool grass. I lay back and looked up at the sky as it darkened and the first few stars became visible.
    My sister had chosen a car for our birthday, but I had opted for a telescope. I wished I were at home with it. Instead I was lonely, embarrassed, and surrounded by people who would mock me as an appetizer. I felt my face burning, thinking I had imagined that I had a chance with him or any guy.
    My sister could have any guy she wanted, she even had the one guy I truly wanted. But I couldn’t even get the guy, no one wanted. Well, besides the other nerdy girls at our lunch table. Blake was the nerd hottie.
    I covered my face and shook my head. I wished I could take it all back.
    Being a rational romantic hadn't panned out, like I’d hoped it would. I couldn’t help but wonder, if being a twit like my sister paid off. She did seem happier than I ever did, by a long shot. I contemplated the possibility of playing dumb and twirling my hair.
    I picked up a lock of my blonde mane and twirled one thick chunk over my face. It did seem relaxing in a repetitive way but definitely couldn’t replace thinking for me, no matter what.
    I heard the grass beside me crunching and assumed it would be Blake, coming to try to rationalize with me. I prepared for the most embarrassing conversation ever. I decided standing and running would be my best bet.
    I panicked even more, when I recognized Shane’s voice from behind me. “You okay, Aimee? I saw you run out the back door. I thought maybe you were sick.”
    He sat on the grass next to me and lay back. I clenched inside and tried not breathing. I contemplated the hair twirl but decided on playing it cool.
    “ Yeah, I’m not much of a partier.”
    “ Thanks for coming, I was hoping you would come to a party, at least once before grad.” He had always been an easy person to be around. I noticed it when we were little kids. Had I not been completely humiliated, I would have enjoyed being with him.
    "Remember when we were little and how easy life was?" I asked before my inner filter stopped me.
    He rolled on his side and grinned at me. "Yeah. It was so much easier to just be happy then. All that mattered was how many frogs you caught or how high you could climb."
    I laughed. "You could just be who you were and no one cared."
    "I've always liked who you were. Well, are. I mean I like who you are now, too." I glanced at him and laughed. He shook his head and lie back on the grass again.
    "Thanks. I like who you are, too." Uncomfortable with the direction it was going, I changed the subject. “So, who is that guy from Handley with the crazy blue