Dodger

man, the chairs don’t bite! I am extremely glad to see that our young lady is progressing slowly but surely, which is very good news.’
    Disraeli said, ‘Excuse me, but who exactly is the young lady? Is she . . .? Would someone please introduce me?’
    He rose to his feet and Charlie stood up and piloted Disraeli towards Simplicity, saying, ‘Miss . . . Simplicity, may I introduce Mister Benjamin Disraeli.’
    Dodger watched this from the edge of his seat with a certain incredulity. You never did things like that in Seven Dials. Then Charlie said, ‘Ben, Miss Simplicity is the lady who has been discussed.’
    And, very sweetly, Simplicity said, ‘What has been discussed about me, pray?’
    Dodger almost leaped back to his feet, ready to defend Simplicity if necessary, but quite sharply Charlie said, ‘Sit back down, Dodger. Best if you let me handle this, if you don’t mind, but feel free to break in.’ He looked across to Simplicity and said, ‘May I say that you can do the same.’ He cleared his throat and said, ‘The facts of the matter, as understood here in England, are that you lived out of the country with your mother – an English teacher, we believe, working abroad. Following her sad demise, sometime in the recent past you went through a form of marriage with a prince from one of the Germanys.’ Charlie looked at the girl as if fearing an explosion, but she just nodded so he continued, ‘We also understand that a short time later, you, miss, fled the country and landed up here in England – where we understand your mother was born.’
    Glaring at him, Simplicity said, ‘Yes. And I left, gentlemen, because my husband became, as soon as we were married, a snivelling wretch of a man. He even tried to put the blame for our so-called marriage onto me, a trick, as you gentlemen must know, which is as old as Eden.’
    Dodger looked at Disraeli, who had turned his eyes up to Heaven. Even Charlie himself seemed somewhat awkward, saying nothing more about
that
, but continuing, ‘Subsequently, we have learned by means which I shall not disclose here that two farm workers who were witness to the marriage have been found dead, and the priest who conducted the ceremony apparently lost his footing one day while inspecting the roof of his church and plunged to his death.’
    Her face pale, Simplicity said, ‘That would be Father Jacob, a decent man, and I would say not a man who easily falls off roofs. The witnesses were Heinrich and Gerta. I was told about them by the maid who brought my meals. You seem, sir, to be lost for words, but I suspect that what you are going to try to tell me now in your long-winded British way is that my husband wants his wife back. Apart from the priest, Heinrich and Gerta were the only people who had knowledge of our wedding and I know they are gone. Now this’ – she slipped off her ring and held it up – ‘is the only evidence of the marriage. I believe, sir, that what you are trying to tell me is that my husband – that is to say, his father – wants to see this ring back, come what may.’
    Glances passed between Disraeli and Charlie, and Disraeli said, ‘Yes, madam, so we understand.’
    ‘But you see, sir, there is more evidence of the marriage. That, sir, is myself. But I will not go back there because I know full well that I could simply vanish. And that is if I even survived the journey – a journey by boat, gentlemen. Because, you see, if I am now the only evidence left, how difficult would it be for me to disappear along with the other evidence?’
    She slipped the ring back on her finger and glared at them. ‘Two very nice people here in England, gentlemen,’ she continued, ‘not knowing my real name, called me “Simplicity”, but I am rather more complicated. I know that my father-in-law got very angry when he found that his son and heir had married, he said for love, a girl who was not even fit to be a lady-in-waiting, let alone a princess. Well, sirs, that’s what the fairy tales tell us, and I had thought I was
in
a fairy tale when I first met my husband. But in truth, I have learned that princes and princesses in the politics of Europe have a certain value when it comes to matters of state. People feel somehow that because “our” princess has married “your” prince, then two countries that were likely to wage war on each other now might not do so. And my vain and stupid husband – and my stupid self for believing him – ruined