Dodger

service are we giving him when he comes to see us, yes, what do you
think
?’
    There was a kind of little hum on that last ‘think’, and people started clapping and a couple of them said things like, ‘Well said, Mister Disraeli, well done; where are our manners, after all?’ And finally one of them said, ‘Well, I don’t know about you, gentlemen, but it seems to me that a hero like that is just the kind of person to have that dreadful cut-throat razor about his person even now!’ A statement which made Dodger’s heart whine as his mind flashed through images of the repercussions of being caught with it, until the very man who had said that burst out laughing, and added, ‘The very thought, indeed.’
    ‘The very thought,’ Dodger murmured in response, matching the man’s laugh with one of his own.
    And that was how Dodger and Simplicity got into Parliament, indeed with the cut-throat razor – and with a lie, which was fine, considering that’s how so many people got into Parliament. Dodger still wasn’t quite sure why he had taken Mr Todd’s razor in all the confusion, but he had a feeling that the best place for it to be right now was close to him. Anyway, before he could do anything about it, Mister Dickens was called for and arrived shortly afterwards, taking good care to shake Dodger very theatrically by the hand and then looking at Simplicity and saying, ‘You are surely not the young lady I last saw fair beaten up three nights ago?’ Then he said that he had urgent business with the young cavalier, whatever that meant.
    They were escorted along carpeted halls and poured into a small room with a table in it. While Dickens was sorting out chairs and getting Simplicity settled, Dodger kept his eye on Mister Disraeli. He reminded Dodger somewhat of a much younger Solomon, and he also looked like a cat who had found a saucer of milk and had enjoyed every last bit. He was, yes, that was it: he was a dodger – not a dodger like Dodger, but another kind of dodger, and it took one to know one. He looked sharp as a knife, but probably the knife was his tongue; he was that kind of bloke – a smart person, but a definite geezer.
    He looked at Disraeli and caught his eye, and Mister Disraeli winked – a tribute from one dodger to another dodger, perhaps. Dodger let himself smile, but didn’t wink back, because a young man could get into trouble winking at gentlemen, and up until then this place – all these statues, all these soundless carpets, all these pictures on the walls of elderly men with white hair and an expression of acute constipation – had been preying on his nerves, pushing him away, telling him he was small, insignificant, a worm. That wink had broken the spell and told him that this place was just another rookery: bigger, warmer, certainly richer, definitely better fed to judge by the stomachs and the redness of the noses, but after that wink just another street where people jostled for advantage and power and a better life for themselves if not for everybody else.
    Dodger couldn’t stop grinning as he clutched this thought to himself, like a magic ring that gave you power and no one knew you had it. Then after this high came the low; this rookery was full of words, the place was full of books, and right now he could find no words at all.
    At this moment there was a hand on his shoulder and Charlie said, ‘We, my friend, well, we have business to attend to. You can speak freely to me in front of my good friend Mister Disraeli, an up-and-coming politician of whom we have great hopes and who is aware of the certain current problem that we have. How are you, by the way? Would you like some refreshments?’ As Dodger struggled for words, Simplicity nodded her head politely and Charlie walked over to the door and pressed a bell pull. Almost immediately a man came in, had a whispered conversation with Charlie and went out again.
    Charlie sat down in a big comfy chair, and so did Disraeli. Disraeli fascinated Dodger; there was no two ways about it. Dodger didn’t know the word ‘insinuated’, but he knew the thought, and Mister Disraeli insinuated himself, in some way never leaving anywhere until he was entirely somewhere else, whereupon he instantly became everywhere. This, of course, would make him dangerous, thought Dodger, and then he remembered what it was he had stuffed up his shirt.
    With the servant off fetching drinks, Charlie said, ‘For heaven’s sake, sit down, young