Earthseed

when they were alone. They smiled at each other, or held hands gingerly, because that was what others expected. She wished that she had waited, wondering if Dmitri would still have been her friend if she had.
    She swallowed and trembled slightly, then took a breath and closed her eyes as tightly as she could.
    “You’re not going to cry, are you?”
    “No,” she managed to say.
    “I can’t stand it when you cry.”
    “I don’t cry much.”
    “You didn’t used to. You’d get mad instead. I liked that more.”
    You made me weaker, she wanted to say. She lay very still, letting him hold her until she was in control of herself.
    “I get impatient, waiting for night,” he went on, “and then I have to work hard so I don’t have time to think about it. Remember when we were down by the river, and you kept thinking someone was going to see us?”
    “Is that all it is for you?” she said harshly as she sat up, almost pushing him off the cot. “You can do that with anybody. Why me?”
    He folded his arms under his head. “What’s the matter with you?”
    “You just need a girl. Anyone would do.”
    “What are you talking about? I’m here, aren’t I? What do you want, anyway?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “Well, if you don’t know, how do you expect me to?”
    She supposed that if Dmitri got mad enough, he might not want to see her anymore. Why should that disturb her so much? She had been by herself before, and she had been happy enough then. She hadn’t had to pretend or conceal part of herself. She had not been as dependent.
    “It’s nothing,” she said at last. “It’s just a mood. I’m fine.” That was becoming a habit, too, keeping her thoughts to herself when she was sure Dmitri would not understand. “I have to go.”
    “You can stay. Sleep in Tonio’s bed—he’s going to be gone all night anyway.”
    “No, I really have to go. Serena and I have to clean Gowon’s floor tomorrow, and I’ll have to get up very early if I’m going to have time to do it.” She swung her legs over him and stood up. “Good night, Dmitri.”
    “Good night.” He yawned. She kissed him on the forehead and left the shack, almost tripping over a pair of boots in the doorway.
    As she pulled on her shoes, she noticed that it was even darker than usual. There was a pattern to the Hollow’s nights; for fourteen days, they would grow progressively lighter, until it was possible to find one’s way about in the silvery glow. During the following fourteen days, the light would fade, until it was dark again. Lillka had been keeping track of time with the night cycle, and the custom was spreading; others now spoke of “light to light” and “light to dark.” They had been living in the Hollow for almost eight cycles.
    Zoheret, waiting for her eyes to adjust, welcomed the darkness. The settlement, and everything in it, had vanished behind a dark curtain; she would create it anew as she wanted it to be. The few lanterns lighting the way between the rows of shacks shone through the curtain, then dispelled it; to her left, the large square storehouse seemed to loom, blacker than the night. She decided to borrow a lantern.
    Anoki had built the storehouse’s steps. Why hadn’t she turned to him when she had had the chance? At least she had known he cared, and she would not have had to hide her thoughts from him; in time, her feelings might have grown. Was it that he was too familiar, that she had always placed him in the category of friend and former childhood playmate? Or was it his physical shortcomings? He had guessed that reason even when she had denied it, shaming her.
    As she climbed the steps, she heard a thump inside the storehouse, then a scrape. She hurried to the doorway, wondering who else was up so late. “Who’s there?” she said softly. “Come on, don’t try to scare me.” She walked inside, trying to recall which shelf the lanterns were on. The room was completely dark.
    Fingers clutched her wrists, pulling her forward. She opened her mouth and a hand slapped over her lips, cutting off her cry. She kicked, hitting a leg. Something hard struck the side of her head, and bright specks of light danced before her eyes; then she was thrown against a wall. She was stunned, unable to move. Someone tied her hands behind her; a piece of cloth was stuffed into her mouth and secured with a scarf.
    She lay very still, wondering distantly what would happen to her. Her head was beginning to throb. Very