Existence 03 - Ceaseless

properly.”
    That was the truth.
    Both Miranda’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re seeing Dank Walker again? Is he back ? I haven’t seen him in weeks. I figured he dropped out and traveled with the band.”
    I shifted my eyes around the room wondering where exactly he was. “Yep, he’s back. Not traveling. Back…” I trailed off.
    Miranda looked at me strangely . “Okay. Well. I’m going to get ready and you c an wake up so you can actually make sense and then we’ll go buy shoes.”
    Once Miranda closed the bathroom door I fell back on the bed. Crap. I did not want to go buy shoes.
    Dank’s body covered mine and his lips brushed my ear. “I’ll go work. You have fun. But tonight , y ou’re mine. We are going to go out and have fun. I want to take you dancing and hold you the way I wanted to that night at the club. Just promise me you’ll wear those tan boots.” Dank’s voice was low as he spoke softly in my ear. I trembled and slid one of my legs up his hip.
    “ M’kay . That sounds nice.”
    Dank kissed a spot on my neck while his hand reached down and ran up the leg that I’d almost wrapped around his waist. “Miranda is going to be out soon. I need to go. Don’t start something we can’t finish.”
    I giggled and lowered my leg. “Okay fine.”
    “I love you , Pagan,” he said against my lips before he was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Two

    Pagan

    I waited outside the coffee shop at an umbrella table for Jay to arrive. I figured if I laid it all out there and gave him an out with me then that would be settled. The Deity had screwed up with this soul mate match. If Jay didn’t want me and I didn’t want Jay then there was no problem.
    Dank was somewhere across the street watching me. He agreed that this just might work. Especially , if Jay wa s doing another girl. But Dank wanted to be close by and honestly I felt like I’d just got him back after a very long separation. I didn’t want him to go anywhere.
    “Hey, Pagan. You already ordered. I’d have gotten your coffee,” Jay said as he pulled out the chair across from me.
    “I was in need of caffeine,” I replied.
    “ I missed you at the frat house last night. It isn’t any fun when you don’t come with me.”
    I sat my cup down and looked him dead in the eyes. “Jay. I know that you have plenty of fun when I’m not there. I also know that you have all this fun while in bed or wherever you so choose to do it with Victoria. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I just want us to lay it all out here and come to some form of closure.”
    Jay sat there with a stunned look on his face. Did the guy really not think I’d find out?
    “I don’t want closure. I want you. Yeah, so I might have messed around with Victoria some but that is because you won’t ever come to anything ATO has. I’m the only guy there without a date. Victoria is all over me. After a few drinks it’s hard to turn down.”
    I’m sure somewhere in all that he had a point. “Our wants and needs are very different. You need thing s I can’t give you or that I don’t want to give you. It’s perfectly okay that you need them. Getting them from Victoria is fine with me. But I just don’t want to pretend like we have a relationship when you are having sex with someone else. W e don’t have a relationship. If someone else asks me out and I want to go , I will go.”
    Jay frowned, “Who asked you out?”
    “That is beside the point. What this is about i s the fact you have some sort of feelings for Victoria because I find it hard to believe you can just have sex with her over and over and feel nothing for her.”
    Jay put both his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I do want you Pagan. I do. But she throws herself at me and I can’t seem to turn her down.”
    Poor guy ; h e was clueless.
    I reached over and patted his hand, “It’s okay. You want her ; she wants you. It all is okay. Just enjoy being free to be together. No reason to hide it from me.”
    Jay lifted his head and looked at me. “You’ve never been normal. Most girls would be pouring coffee over my head and screaming at me. You just pat my hand and tell me my sexual activity is okay. To go enjoy.”
    I laughed and stood up. “ You were the one who wanted to pursue something between the two of us. Not me. I was never in this for anything resembling love. If I had been then yes , I’d be devastated. But I just like you as a friend, Jay. I want