Fall Guy

then hike in to the swimming hole. It was forbidden to go there, of course. For one thing, it's part of the army's property. For another, it was dangerous. It was a deep hole in the mountain where the water would collect from melting snow, rain, any sort of runoff. Of course there was no lifeguard, no supervision of any kind. It was just a hole filled with icy water, surrounded by rocks, inside and out. All the parents made a point to tell their children not to go there, but they all did. All the boys, anyway. That's how they'd prove themselves, by jumping in,“ she said, her voice cracking. „It was the way they'd show how brave they were, how little they valued life. Or so they thought.“
    „You couldn't be cool if you didn't do it.“
    „Exactly. Of course, they didn't invite me. They didn't want girls there. If a girl jumped in, it would spoil it. It would no longer be considered a brave thing to do if a girl could do it.“ She stopped to sip her tea. „There was a rumor that this girl Nancy Shapiro went once and dived in. She was a Jewish girl, from over in Orangeburg. We didn't know her. And I only heard it was so. I couldn't swear to it.“
    „But you never did?“
    „No. I was never allowed to go.“
    „But you did.“
    „Twice. I was there when Joey hit his head and drowned. And I was there again when they pulled him out.“
    „Tell me about it,“ I whispered. I wanted to reach for her hand, but they were both around the warm mug, her eyes down, seeing then, not now, not me.
    „It was a Saturday. They all left on their bikes, my brothers and my cousins Liam and Francis, the five of them. It was always the five of them, always together. I asked Tim if I could go and he said, 'Don't be ridiculous.' And when I asked him why, he said, 'You're a girl.' As if any fool would know the reason without asking. Any fool but me.
    „After they left, I took my bicycle and followed them. I'd heard them talking once or twice, about what roads they took. And I'd been on Tweed Boulevard. I just wasn't sure exactly how to get to the swimming hole, to Breyer's Landing. I wasn't sure where to leave the road and walk in or which way to go once I did. It was all trees, one spot looking pretty much like the next. I wasn't even sure I'd find them at all because I couldn't be close enough for them to see me. Besides, I didn't ride as quickly as they did, not going up that mountain. Part of the way, I had to get off and push my bike, it was that steep.“
    „But you saw their bikes.“
    „I did, yes. And that's how I knew where to head into the woods. But I didn't leave my bike there. I took it way beyond where they'd stopped and hid it behind some bushes, some overgrown forsythia along the side of the road. Then I wandered for a while. But finally I heard them, their voices. That wasn't so hard. They were shouting. As I crept up closer, careful where I stepped, I could see why. It was at Joey. He was way up on top of the rocks, near where the waterfall came down into the pool. You could see even from below that the rocks were slick, that it was a precarious place to stand. They were all yelling at him, telling him to come down, telling him not to jump, not from way up there. He'd picked the highest spot, the very highest, ten feet or more above the water. I crouched in the bushes, afraid. He was stubborn, Joey. He was the smallest one, so he had to be the scrappiest. He'd take on anyone, Joey would, especially if they called him a baby. That was the worst.“
    „He was twelve?“
    „And me eleven, barely ten months apart. Irish twins.“
    „What happened next?“
    „He looked so small up there with his shirt off, so pale and skinny. I thought he'd jump, to show them. I thought he'd think he had to, or it would be the end of him, that they'd never let him live it down.“
    „And he did? He jumped?“
    Maggie looked up, startled, as if she'd forgotten I was there. „Not right away. Not before I had the chance to look good and hard at Francis.“
    „What do you mean?“
    „That's why I'd followed them. I didn't care anything about their precious swimming hole. I was madly in love with my cousin Francis. I would have gone anywhere just for a glimpse of him, just to be near him. You remember how it was when you were eleven?“
    Maggie looked up again, her eyes shining.
    „I do,“ I told her.
    „He was a beautiful boy with the most startling eyes. They were so alive. Mischief was the fire in them, I