Falling Awake

calling for more of it this evening.”
    Her concern had the customary warming effect on him. It was the same feeling he got when she told him to read romance novels, get acupuncture and lay off the red meat.
    “You know, Isabel,” he said, driving out of the parking lot. “When this is over we really are going to have to talk about our relationship.”
    “It’s too late. I’ve already fallen in love with you.”
    She ended the connection before he could recover from the shock.

35
    f arrell let himself into the front hall of the big house. He was sweating and his mind was still reeling. Ever since Isabel had left his office he had been trying to think about what to say to Leila. But nothing brilliant or even mildly intelligent surfaced from the maelstrom of emotions, fears and uncertainties that were seething in what was supposed to be his brain.
    The house was very still. It occurred to him that he had not even realized that Leila had gone home early until he walked down the hall to her office and discovered she was not there.
    That was not like Leila. She was always at headquarters in the afternoons on reception days. The special social events were important. They set a tone and encouraged interaction between attendees and instructors. It was Leila who handled all thearrangements, from supervising the caterers to selecting the flower arrangements. Later she would play hostess to his host.
    But today she had gone home early. And he hadn’t even been aware of the fact that she had left. For some reason that shook him almost as much as what Isabel had said earlier. Maybe he really had allowed himself to get sidetracked by the impending financial disaster.
    He walked slowly through the elegantly tiled foyer and then crossed the glass-walled living room with its view of the foggy bay, listening for her in the deep silence.
    “What are you doing here?” she asked from the kitchen doorway. “Is something wrong at the office?” Anxiety flared in her eyes. “Are you ill?”
    He stared at her. She was dressed in a pretty, flowered robe and slippers. Her hair was damp from a recent shower.
    “Kyler, Inc., is not more important to me than you are,” he said, speaking the first coherent words he could string together. “How could you think that?”
    Her eyes widened a little. Then she sighed. “I see you’ve been talking to Isabel.”
    He started toward her. “She came to my office today to tell me she is resigning as an instructor.”
    Leila winced. “She quit? So soon?”
    “Yes.” He stopped a short distance away, trying to read her eyes. “And then she told me that you think I care more about the company than I do about you.”

    Leila hugged herself very tightly. “You’re spending so much time in your office. You’re never home.”
    He rubbed his temples and decided he might as well finish what he had started. “Leila, Kyler, Inc., will probably be in bankruptcy court three months from now.”
    Stunned, she just looked at him. “Farrell.”
    “I screwed up big-time. We’re going to lose everything. I saw it coming a few months ago and I’ve been working frantically to find a way out.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “But there is no way out.”
    “This is our business. We’re partners. Why didn’t you tell me we were in trouble?” She looked both furious and hurt.
    “Because I was sure that when you realized that you married a failure you’d pack your bags and leave me,” he admitted. “I was in denial, I guess. I was trying to put off that day as long as possible.”
    She lowered her arms, took two steps toward him and gripped the lapels of his shirt. “How could you possibly believe that I would leave you because of a business failure?”
    He gripped her arms. “Sweetheart, I knew when I married you that you had certain expectations. You admire your father and he approved of me. You probably thought that I was like him in many ways. Hell, he figured the same thing. But I can guarantee you that he won’t be feeling the same way about me three months from now.”
    “Listen to me, Farrell. I married you because I love you and because, even if you happened to be successful at the time, I sensed that, deep down, you were not like Dad.”

    That stopped him cold. “What are you talking about?”
    “My father had affairs with other women throughout the time that he was married to my mother,” she said very steadily. “He was never home. He missed every school play, every