Faster We Burn

asking the questions I didn’t want to answer.
    “Yeah. How can I not?”
    I waited for him to tell me that I shouldn’t, but he sighed.
    “You’re right.”
    “Wait, what was that?”
    He laughed.
    “I said that you’re right. A little guilt is okay. It’s the big, soul-crushing guilt I’m worried about.”
    “Well, I’m doing okay so far.” If being okay meant having a baggie with my Dad’s ashes and not being able to believe he was really gone. I hadn’t told Stryker about the first thing.
    “Listen, I really want to thank you for everything you’ve done. I know I can never make it up to you, but I owe you at least a few more Thanksgiving dinners.” I’d hoped he would laugh, but he didn’t.
    “You don’t owe me anything, Katie. Anyone else would have done the same thing. It’s not like I rode in on a white horse.”
    “Horses scare me, and no, not everyone would have done the same thing and you know it. Give yourself some credit, Stryker Abraham Grant.”
    “God, I hate that you know my middle name. It’s been the bane of my existence for years.”
    “It’s a perfectly fine middle name. It’s a presidential name, and you’re trying to change the subject.”
    “Guilty as charged.”
    “Look, we don’t have to talk about it. I just want you to know.”
    He sighed again and I could picture him running his hand through his hair.
    “Got it.”
    We talked for a little while longer and I felt like I was taking up too much of his time, being too needy and clingy (again), so I told him I had to stop and get gas.
    “See you soon, friend.”
    “Drive safe, friend.”

 
     
    Chapter Twenty-two
     
     
    Stryker
     
    I half-expected Katie’s car to be parked at my apartment when I got back from class, but instead there was Ric, leaning against her car and playing with the holes in her jeans. I’d barely had any contact with her since our tryst, and I was hoping it would stay that way.
    “Hey,” she said, not moving from her car. “How are you?”
    I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her.
    “What do you want, Ric?”
    She looked like she was going to cry, and I felt one pang of sympathy. It wasn’t completely her fault that we’d had sex. I’d been a willing, if drunk, participant.
    “Sorry, I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep,” I said. She was shivering. No wonder, she didn’t have a coat on and her clothes were always full of holes. “Come on,” I said, motioning toward the door. Better to get this over with.
    “I’m sorry,” she said as we walked up the stairs. “I’ve just…I’ve liked you for a long time and you never seemed to be into me, so I made a move and now…I’m so sorry.”
    I let her in and went right to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea because it didn’t feel like the right kind of situation for coffee.
    “I’m sorry too. I was lashing out, or being stupid and you happened to be there. We’re both adults and we acted like hormonal teenagers.”
    She leaned on the counter and wiped her eyes.
    “So you’re not pissed at me?”
    Yes.
    “No. It wasn’t your fault. Although, the fact that I told you over and over that I wasn’t interested should have been a red flag.”
    “I know, I know,” she said accepting the mug of tea I held out to her.
    “No, you really don’t. I couldn’t have been any more clear, Ric. I didn’t want to be with you, so why did you keep it up?”
    She laughed a little.
    “Desperation? Hope? Thinking that one day you’d see that we were perfect for each other?”
    “But we’re not, Ric. We never would have been.”
    “But she is?” I didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. Her narrowed eyes and the increased bitterness in her voice did that for me.
    “This isn’t about her. I would feel this way whether she was around or not.”
    She made a little scoffing sound, and I realized I was never going to get through to her. It was bashing my head against a brick wall. She had issues that had nothing to do with me.
    “Look, I just wanted to clear the air because I didn’t want you to quit The Band and I’d like it if we could work things out to at least be civil.”
    She set her tea down, untouched.
    “I guess.” She pushed herself away from the counter. “Have you told her?”
    I hesitated before I said, “No.” I thought about trying to lie, but Ric was the kind of girl who would bring it up in front of Katie and then I’d be in an even worse place.
    “Hmm,” she said, a little smile flitting