Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

few people wear much at all. But what I don’t understand is why I should talk to her about jewelry.”
    “Well, that’s simple enough,” said Tweedle Dee. “She does piercings at her store. Ye Olde Sex Shoppe.”
    “Where is that, exactly?” Alice asked, becoming curiouser and curiouser.
    Tweedle Dum pointed with his member, now very much as stiff as before. “You just follow the path through the trees.”
    “There sure are lots of paths through the trees around here,” Alice mused.
    But neither Tweedle Dee nor Tweedle Dum was listening; they were too busy kissing and stroking each other again.
    Alice had to wonder if they ever had a problem with chafing. But she didn’t ask, because a discussion about it wouldn’t be very sexy, and quite possibly rude.
    Besides, much as she’d enjoyed the three way, she really hated talking to the annoying little bastards.
    “Thank you so much,” she called. “I believe I’ll pay her a visit.”
    ““Mmmph!” they both said, their mouths full of each other.
    Alice set off on her way.

Chapter 5
Wool and Water
    Alice followed the left fork in the path, and for once it was a nice, paved path with no sticks to trip over or tree branches to snag her hair or dirt that her heels sunk into. When Alice reached the end of it she found a sign nailed to a tree that read WRONG PATH, GO BACK. Alice wasn’t sure how the sign knew where she was going, but there wasn’t anything beyond the tree but a patch of stinging nettles, and since Alice had an aversion to stinging of any sort, she walked back to the fork and took the right path, which was filled with sticks to trip over and branches snagging her hair and dirt that tugged at her high heels. And stinging nettles.
    When she finally reached Ye Olde Sex Shoppe, Alice was in a grumpy mood. Her mood went from grumpy to venomous when she saw a sign on the front door that read CLOSED FOR UNBIRTHDAY PARTY.
    Alice didn’t know what an unbirthday was, but guessed it was something stupid and annoying. For all the good sex she’d had in Looking Glass Land, it certainly had its fair share of stupid and annoying people and customs. Alice frowned, her brow furrowing, as she wondered where to go next, when the door suddenly swung open and the White Queen appeared. Breasts and special place still bare for all to see, she wore a white garter belt and fishnets, and a white boa. The feather kind, not the kind that eats small children.
    “Alice! How are you, dear? Did you come for my unbirthday party?”
    “I’m afraid I don’t even know what an unbirthday is,” Alice said.
    “No worry,” said the Queen. “As it is both stupid and annoying. But I did get some wool and water for unbirthday gifts, thereby explaining this chapter’s odd title. So why are you here?”
    “Actually, I was sent here by Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum—”
    “Excellent lovers, but also stupid and annoying.”
    Alice agreed on both counts, but didn’t want to appear rude. “They mentioned you do piercings.”
    The Queen smiled wide. “I do. In fact, when I opened my shop, I was going to call it
Houses of the Holey
and put a big lead zeppelin in the storefront.”
    “I don’t get it,” Alice said.
    “It was the seventies. I did a lot of drugs. I also have a Ficus I named Robert.”
    “Excuse me?”
    “Robert Plant.”
    “Isn’t he that singer in the Rolling Stones?”
    “You’re making me feel old. Come in.”
    The Queen held open the door, and Alice walked inside. She’d never been in a sex shop before, and for some reason expected it to be dimly lit and dirty. Instead, the lighting was bright and uniform, with stock neatly arranged on racks. It could have been a local convenience store, but rather than snacks and sundries, the wares on these shelves were decidedly more…
personal
.
    Alice stared at a display of movies, their covers depicting every type of coupling imaginable, and some that were almost beyond imagination.
    “Organized according to kink,” the White Queen said. “Orgies, three ways, gang-bangs, all the group stuff, is in this section. Next to it is oral, which is always popular. Then gay, both women on women and men on men. Anal is next to that.”
    “Apparently a lot of people like anal,” Alice said, noticing the section was larger than any of the others.”
    “People often like to watch the stuff they can’t get at home.”
    Alice picked up a film called
Butt Plug Babes 37
. “They make dildos for your butt?” she