Fifty Shades of Alice Through the Looking Glass (Second Book of the 50 Shades of Alice Trilogy)

pistil in the overtly feminine flower had a silver bar pierced through the tip.
    “Sit sit sit,” the White Queen said. “We’ll start with your breasts, I think.”
    Alice sat, legs stiff in front of her, every muscle tense. She didn’t want to get jabbed, especially in such sensitive areas. “I think I’m changing my mind.”
    “Are you sure? I certainly wouldn’t do anything without your consent, but I really do think you’ll enjoy the jewelry. Everyone does.”
    Her mind racing for an excuse, Alice suddenly remembered that she couldn’t possibly get a piercing. “I… I don’t have any money,” she said, for the first time in her life relieved to be broke.
    “Nonsense,” the Queen said. “There is no money in Looking Glass Land. We use the barter system here.”
    “But I have nothing to barter with,” Alice said, close to whining.
    “Of course you do, my lovely little dear. Haigha! Hatta!”
    Alice thought the Queen had begun speaking gibberish, but a moment later two men popped into the room. The first was wearing flared jodphurs and tall black boots and a tweed jacket over his hairy chest. A beret perched on his head and he held a megaphone in one hand and a riding crop in the other.
    His companion carried a large camera, and although he wore sunglasses, the rest of his body was bare. His erection curved up toward the ceiling, more charming and generous than Tweedle Dee’s… er, Dum’s… er, whatever.
    Of course, Alice recognized them from her journey to Wonderland.
    “Hatter!” she exclaimed, grinning. “March Hare!”
    “No, it is Hatta and Haigha. We went to Boston recently and forgot how to use the letter R,” said Hatter… no,
Hatta.
And it couldn’t have been true, because he pronounced
recently
and
forgot
correctly.
    “Hare, um, I mean
Haigha
, what happened to your lovely rabbit suit?”
    “Cleaners,” he said. “It gets awfully soiled with bodily secretions, as you can imagine.”
    “He’s a regular walking hot zone,” said Hatta. “When the Lysol stops working, steam cleaning is required.”
    “Where is your friend, Maus?” Alice asked.
    Hatta shrugged. “Sleeping, as usual.”
    “Can you gentlemen begin a two camera set up?” the Queen asked.
    Hatta and Haigha nodded, going into a closet and dragging out various pieces of equipment. As they set up three point lighting around Alice, she asked, “What’s happening?”
    “We’re going to make a movie,” Haigha said.
    “
Alice’s Sexual Piercing Adventure
,” Hatta said. “We’re pornographers now.”
    “You see, Alice,” said the Queen, “we shall make a movie of this event. That is what you offer in barter. I’ll do the piercings, and you sign the model release.”
    Haigha thrust a piece of paper and a pencil at her.
    “I’m not sure I want to be in a movie,” Alice said. “Especially one that will involve me crying.”
    “There will be no crying, Alice.” The Queen’s eyes twinkled. “Trust me.”
    “But…” Alice’s voice trailed off.
    “You’re afraid,” the Queen said.
    Alice nodded, ashamed.
    “Everyone who sits in that chair is afraid, Alice. Bravery doesn’t mean you have no fear. Bravery is simply getting control over your fear. Do you want me to help you be brave?”
    “I don’t see how you can,” Alice said.
    “I’ll be right back.”
    The Queen left and Alice read over the release and signed it. Then she fidgeted, becoming more and more nervous as Hatta and Haigha set up lights and loaded their cameras.
    “Have you made many movies?” Alice asked, more out of nervousness than genuine curiosity.
    “But of course,” said Hatta. “Did you see
Fluffy Mr. BunnyToes Goes Balls Deep in Ass
?”
    “I also acted in that one,” Haigha said proudly.
    “You were Fluffy Mr. BunnyToes?” Alice asked.
    “No,” said Haigha, “I was Ass.”
    “That role had such depth,” said Hatta.
    “I’m afraid I missed it,” Alice said.
    “We also did an all male vampire movie,” Hatta said. “
Jackula
.”
    “Jackula?” Alice said.
    “It’s not blood he sucks,” said Haigha. “Hatta starred in that one. Remember your final scene?”
    “It was certainly a mouthful.”
    “How about
The Jubjub Bird’s Golden Shower Extravaganza
?” said Haigha. “Did you see that one?”
    “I don’t know what a Jubjub bird is,” Alice said. “Or a golden shower.”
    “It’s just as well,” said Hatta. “They are both rather messy.”
    “How about
Dear Grandma