From the Heart

they are . . . But the time was fast approaching when she would have to make a move, one way or the other.
    He knows what he wants, she mused. There isn’t a doubt in his mind. I wish I could see things as clearly.
    “You’re quiet,” he murmured.
    “I know.”
    “Yesterday morning’s catching up with you.” He wanted to draw her closer, to make her forget, but forgetting wasn’t the answer for either of them. “It couldn’t have been easy for you, talking it all through, feeling it all again.”
    “No, it wasn’t easy.” She tilted her head to look up at him. Her face was in shadows, but her eyes were clear on his. “But I’m glad it happened. I’m glad you know. Thorpe . . .” She let out a little breath. It was becoming more and more important that he know everything. “There was a time, right after Josh died, that I wanted to die too. I didn’t want to live without him; I couldn’t conceive of living without him. There wasn’t enough strength in me to do anything solid about it, but if I could have died, just closed my eyes and died, I would have.”
    “Liv.” He lifted a hand to her cheek. “I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to lose a child. That kind of grief can’t be understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced it.”
    “I didn’t die,” she continued, swallowing. “I ate, I slept, I functioned. But I buried part of myself with Josh. What was left, I smothered when I divorced Doug. It seemed the only way to survive. I’ve lived this way a long time, without considering any changes.”
    “But you didn’t die, Liv.” His hand slipped down to cup her chin. His eyes were direct on hers. “And changes are a part of living.”
    “Have you ever loved someone completely?”
    “Just you,” he said simply.
    “Oh, Thorpe.” Liv pressed her face against his shoulder. Emotion squeezed her heart. The words came so easily to him, and the feelings. She wasn’t certain she was strong enough yet to accept them. “I need you. It scares me to death.” She lifted her face again and her eyes were eloquent. “I know what it is to lose. I’m not sure I can survive a second time.”
    He was so close, so close to having her. He could feel it. If he took her in his arms, if he kissed her now, he might urgethe words he needed from her lips. They were in her eyes. It took every ounce of his control not to push. Not today, he told himself. She’s given you enough this weekend.
    “Needing someone,” he said carefully, “doesn’t mean you have to lose them.”
    “I’m trying to believe that.” She took a deep breath. “For the first time in five years, I want to believe that. It matters, when I thought it never would again.”
    After a moment, he lifted her hand and pressed the palm to his lips. “How much time do you want?”
    The tears came instantly, silently. She hadn’t had to ask. He had known. He was giving her what she needed with no questions, no demands. “I don’t deserve you.” She shook her head. “I really don’t.”
    “That’s my risk, isn’t it?” He smiled. “In my opinion, I deserve you completely, so that balances things.”
    “I need to do some thinking.” She kissed him, then held on. “I have to be alone, because you make it hard for me to think.”
    “Do I?” He kissed her again. “All right,” he agreed, pulling her with him as he rose. “But think fast.”
    “Tomorrow.” She held him close for another moment. “Just until tomorrow.” The arms around her had such strength. The man had so much to give. “Oh, God, am I a fool, Thorpe?”
    “Yeah.” He drew her back to frame her face in his hands. “I’m a hell of a catch, Carmichael; just remember that.”
    “I will,” she murmured as he walked to the door. He paused, and turned back with his hand on the knob.
    “Tomorrow.”
    “Tomorrow,” she repeated when she was alone.

15
    T hings were not as clear as Liv would have liked them to be. Once before she had thought herself in love, and she had been wrong. What she had felt for Doug had been the impulses and dreams of youth. She was older now, and more cautious. Perhaps too cautious, she mused as she settled behind her desk. Yet, when she told Thorpe she loved him, she wanted to say the words without any cloud of doubt. He deserved that from her.
    She didn’t want to lose him. That above all was crystal clear. He had become the focal point of her life in a very short time. Dependence. No, she couldn’t deny that