Genuine Lies

look at her and not hate her, hate her for being able to live so easily without me?”
    “Do you think it was easy?” he murmured.
    “For her, yes.” She pulled away to wipe impatiently at tears. The last thing she would feel now was sympathy. “Goddamn. I know what she went through. Disbelief, panic, misery—all the phases. Sweet Jesus, Paul, I know how much it hurts to find yourself pregnant and know the man you love, or think you love, will never make a family with you.”
    “Maybe that’s why she felt she could tell you.”
    “Well, she was wrong.” She was calming slowly, methodically. “I also know that if I had made the decision to give Brandon up, I would never push myself back into his life and make him wonder, make him question, make him remember all those doubts about not being good enough.”
    “If she made a mistake—”
    “Yes, she made a mistake,” Julia said on a hard laugh. “I’m it.”
    “That’s enough.” If she didn’t want sympathy, he wouldn’t give it. “At the very least, you know you were conceived in love. That’s more than most people can be sure of. My parents have retained a polite revulsion for each other as long as I can remember. That’s my legacy. You were brought up by people who loved you, and were conceived by people who continue to love each other. You can call that a mistake, but I’d swear you had the better bargain.”
    There were things she could have hurled back at him, hurtful things that rolled through her brain, then died of shame and self-disgust before they touched her tongue. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was stiff, but no longer raw with pain. “There’s no reason to take all this out on you, or to indulge in self-pity.”
    “I’d say there was plenty of reason for both. Will you sit down now, and talk to me?”
    As she brushed away the last of the tears, she shook her head. “No, I’m all right, really. I hate to lose my temper.”
    “You shouldn’t.” To soothe himself as well as her, he combed her hair away from her face with his fingers. “You do it so well.” Because it seemed right, he brought her back intohis arms, resting his cheek against the top of her head. “You’ve had a rough night, Jules. Maybe you should get some rest.”
    “I don’t think I can. I could use some aspirin, though.”
    “We’ll get you some.” He kept an arm around her as they walked back into the kitchen. There were lights, glowing cheerfully, and a buttery scent that made her think the hamburgers had been followed up by a bowl of popcorn. “Where’s the aspirin?”
    “I’ll get them.”
    “No, I’ll get them. Where?”
    Because her mind felt as limp and achy as her body, she gave in and sat at the table. “Top shelf, left side of the stove.” She closed her eyes again, listening to the sound of the cupboard door opening, closing, the sound of water hitting glass. On a sigh, she opened them again and managed what passed for a smile. “Tantrums always give me a headache.”
    He waited until she’d swallowed them. “How about some tea?”
    “That’d be nice, thanks.” Sitting back, she pressed her fingers to her temple, circling them slowly—until she remembered that was one of Eve’s habitual gestures. With her hands clasped in her lap, she watched as Paul readied cups and saucers, rinsed out a porcelain pot in the shape of a donkey.
    It was odd, sitting there while someone else handled the details. She was used to taking care of herself, solving the problem, mending the breaks. Now she knew it was taking all of her will, all of her energy to resist the need to lay her head down on the table and indulge in a bout of hot weeping.
    And why? That was the question that dogged her. Why?
    “After all this time,” she murmured. “All these years. Why did she tell me now? She said she’d kept tabs on me all along. Why did she wait till now?”
    He’d been wondering the same thing himself. “Did you ask her?”
    She was staring down at her hands, shoulders slumped, eyes still damp. “I don’t even know what I said to her. I wasso blind with hurt and anger. My temper can be … ugly, which is why I try not to lose it.”
    “You, Jules?” he said lightly as he passed a hand over her hair. “An ugly temper?”
    “Horrible.” She couldn’t bring herself to answer his smile. “The last time I went off was nearly two years ago. A teacher at Brandon’s school had made him stand in the corner for over an hour. He was humiliated,