Genuine Lies

alone.”
    Damn him, she thought, damn him for forcing her to feel this bright flush of shame. Rather than speak, she sat on the pillow-plumped daybed, lifted the brandy to her lips. He joined her, but when he sat, there was much more distance between them than a few inches of cushion.
    A flick of the remote, and Eve was filling the screen as she had filled so many others during her life. Misery clamped around Julia’s heart like an iron fist.
    “Darlings, I can’t tell you how delighted I am that you’retogether. I’d hoped to do this with a bit more ceremony, and on film, certainly, rather than videotape. Film’s so much more flattering.”
    Eve’s rich laugh seeped into the room. On the screen, she reached for a cigarette, then leaned back in her chair. She’d done her own makeup carefully, camouflaging the shadows under her eyes, the strain around her mouth. She wore a fuchsia man-styled shirt with a standing collar. It took Julia only an instant to realize she had been wearing that shirt when she’d been sprawled on the bloody rug.
    “This little gesture may become unnecessary if I find the courage to speak to both of you face-to-face. If not, please forgive me for not telling you about my illness. I found the tumor a flaw I wanted to keep to myself. Another one of those lies, Julia. This one not entirely selfish.”
    “What does she mean?” Julia murmured. “What is she talking about?”
    Paul only shook his head, but his body had tensed.
    “When I got the diagnosis, prognosis and all those other
nosises
, I went through all those stages I’m told are quite typical. Denial, anger, grief. You know how I detest being typical. Being told you have less than a year to live, less than that to function, is a humbling experience. I needed to do something to offset that. I needed to celebrate life, I suppose. My life. So I got the idea to do the book. Making clear what I had been, what I had done, not only for the ever-hungry public, but for myself. I wanted my daughter, a part of myself, to tell the story.” Her eyes sharpened as she leaned into the camera. “Julia, I know how upset you were when I told you. Believe me, you have every right to hate me. I won’t offer excuses. I can only hope that between then and now, when you’re watching this, that we’ve come to some sort of understanding with each other. I didn’t know how much you would mean to me. How much Brandon …” She shook her head and dragged deep on the cigarette. “I won’t become maudlin. I’m counting on there being wailing and gnashing of teeth at the announcement of my death. And by this time there should have been enough of it.
    “This time clock in my brain …” She smiled a little as she rubbed her fingers over her temple. “Sometimes I swear I can hear it ticking away. It forced me to face my mortality, my mistakes, and my responsibilities. I’m determined not to leave this world with regrets. If we haven’t mended our fences, Julia, then at least I have the comfort of knowing we were friends for a time. And I also know you’ll write the book. If you’ve inherited any of my stubbornness, you may not speak to me again, so I’ve taken the precaution of making the other tapes. I’m quite sure I haven’t left out anything of importance.”
    Eve crushed out her cigarette, seemed to take a moment to gather her thoughts. “Paul, I don’t have to tell you what you’ve meant to me. For twenty-five years you gave me the unconditional love and loyalty I didn’t always deserve. You’ll be angry, I know, that I didn’t tell you about my illness. It may be selfish of me, but an inoperable brain tumor is a personal thing. I wanted to enjoy the time I had left without being watched, or coddled, or worried over. Now, I want you to remember how much fun we had. You were the only man in my life who never caused me a moment’s pain. My last bit of advice to you is if you love Julia, don’t let her wriggle away from you. She may try. I’ve left you both the bulk of my estate not only because I love you, but because it will complicate your lives. You’ll have to deal with each other for some time to come.”
    Her lips trembled once; she controlled them. Her eyes gleamed with tears. Emeralds washed with rain. “Damn you both, give me more grandchildren. I want to know that you’ve found what always eluded me. Love that can be celebrated not only in the shadows, but in the light. Julia, you were the child I loved but