Ghostwalker 04 - Conspiracy Game

down, my father kept hitting and kicking me, until I couldn’t breathe. I think he thought, with so much blood, and the sound of the breath rattling in my lungs and throat, that I was dying. He left me there, lying in my mother’s blood, and he turned on Ken. Ken could have gotten away, but he wouldn’t leave me.”
    “Any more than you would have left him,” Briony reminded him.
    “I don’t know how I got up, or where I found the strength to move, but my body had somehow separated from my mind. I didn’t feel pain. I don’t know if I was really breathing.
    Later, they said my ribs were caved in and it was impossible for me to stand, but I did. I could see Ken’s face, the tears running down through all the blood. And I saw him —the monster who ruled our lives. My world narrowed to him. I picked up the baseball bat and I took him out just the way I take out every other target—coldly, precisely, and quite thoroughly.”
    “God, Jack.”
    “I didn’t feel anything at all. I should have, he was my father, but I didn’t, Briony. I didn’t—and don’t—feel remorse or horror or even joy or satisfaction that he’s dead. I felt nothing then and I don’t feel anything now. When I line up a target, it’s always that same way. My mind separates and it’s nothing more than a job.”
    She turned on her side, easing her body against his, sliding her arm around him. “You feel remorse when you’ve done something that hurts Ken—or me. I’ve seen it in you.
    You’re careful with both of us. Is that what you’re afraid of, Jack? That you won’t love the baby and that if I walked out you’d follow us and murder us? Is that really what you think you’d do? You’d try to stop us?”
    “ Babies, ” he corrected automatically. “And I wouldn’t try, Briony, I would stop you.” He sighed, the sound more sorrowful than hopeful. “I wanted you to have a decent man.”
    “You wouldn’t murder us, Jack. It’s unbelievable that you could conceive of such a thing. You wouldn’t. It isn’t in you. Of course you’d try to stop us if you loved us. Any man would. You are a decent man, you dope. You’re just a difficult man. There’s a difference.
    And has it ever occurred to you that you’re so afraid you’re like your father that you examine your motives way too much? People get jealous and possessive and some try to hold on too hard. You know your weaknesses and strengths. Maybe you’d go a little overboard to keep a woman you love with you, but you’d never harm her. Never , Jack. I don’t think it—I know it with absolute certainty.”
    “I frighten you sometimes.”

    “Everything frightens me sometimes. I’m ashamed to admit to you that I’m pretty much the biggest chicken on the face of the earth. You’re an intimidating man—a little on the ruthless side—and I never know what you’re going to do.”
    “Or what I’m capable of.”
    “I may not know what you’re capable of, Jack, but I do know what you’re not capable of.
    I’m a good judge of character and I’ve been in your head. You’re not capable of murdering a woman—especially one you love. As for the babies, Jack, you would never harm your own children. You’d die to protect them. You’re so far from being your father you don’t even know it.”
    “I love you just the way you are, but I’d want to dominate you, insist on you doing everything my way.”
    “Like I’m not aware of that? I was raised with four brothers, Jack. While I don’t consider myself submissive, I also don’t argue for the sake of it. If it’s really important to me, I’ll let you know, and if you don’t back off, I’ll probably do it anyway and you can yell all you want.”
    His eyes met hers, and there was something dark and dangerous flickering there, but looking beyond that, there was something else. Something deep and enduring, an emotion she wanted to wrap herself in.
    “I’m giving you a last out, Briony. I’ll get the other team to take care of you. You can stay with Lily. It’s a fortress there. She’s an anchor. You won’t feel any pain around the others.”
    “I’m not with you because you’re an anchor.”
    “Damn it, Briony, are you listening to anything I’ve said? If you stay with me, I’ll never let you go. I’ll make you crazy… ”
    “It’s a nice kind of crazy, but if you don’t want me here… ”
    He actually snarled, like a wolf. She heard the growl of anger and his hand caught hers and