Gone Girl

doesn’t ask anything about the pregnancy. I knew he wouldn’t.
    ‘You’re the only one who knows,’ I say.
    ‘I’ll take care of you. What can I do?’
    I pretend to balk, chew the edge of my lip, look away and then back to Desi. ‘I need money to live on for a bit. I thought about getting a job, but—’
    ‘Oh, no, don’t do that. You are everywhere , Amy – on all the newscasts, all the magazines. Someone would recognize you. Even with this’ – he touches my hair – ‘new sporty cut of yours. You’re a beautiful woman, and it’s difficult for beautiful women to disappear.’
    ‘Unfortunately, I think you’re right,’ I say. ‘I just don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage. I just didn’t know where else to—’
    The waitress, a plain brunette disguised as a pretty brunette, drops by, sets our drinks on the table. I turn my face from her and see that the mustached curious guy is standing a little closer, watching me with a half smile. I am off my game. Old Amy never would have come here. My mind is addled by Diet Coke and my own body odor.
    ‘I ordered you a gin and tonic,’ I say.
    Desi gives a delicate grimace.
    ‘What?’ I ask, but I already know.
    ‘That’s my spring drink. I’m Jack and gingers now.’
    ‘Then we’ll get you one of those, and I’ll have your gin.’
    ‘No, it’s fine, don’t worry.’
    The lookiloo appears again in my peripheral. ‘Is that guy, that guy with the mustache – don’t look now – is he staring at me?’
    Desi gives a flick of a glance, shakes his head. ‘He’s watching the … singers .’ He says the word dubiously. ‘You don’t just want a little bit of cash. You’ll get tired of this subterfuge. Not being able to look people in the face. Living among’ – he spread his arms out to include the whole casino – ‘people with whom I assume you don’t have much in common. Living below your means.’
    ‘That’s what it is for the next ten years. Until I’ve aged enough and the story has gone away and I can feel comfortable.’
    ‘Ha! You’re willing to do that for ten years? Amy?’
    ‘Sh, don’t say the name.’
    ‘Cathy or Jenny or Megan or whatever, don’t be ludicrous.’
    The waitress returns, and Desi hands her a twenty and dismisses her. She walks away grinning. Holding the twenty up like it is novel. I take a sip of my drink. The baby won’t mind.
    ‘I don’t think Nick would press charges if you return,’ Desi says.
    ‘What?’
    ‘He came by to see me. I think he knows that he’s to blame—’
    ‘He went to see you? When?’
    ‘Last week. Before I’d talked to you, thank God.’
    Nick has shown more interest in me these past ten days than he has in the past few years. I’ve always wanted a man to get in a fight over me – a brutal, bloody fight. Nick going to interrogate Desi, that’s a nice start.
    ‘What did he say?’ I ask. ‘How did he seem?’
    ‘He seemed like a top-drawer asshole. He wanted to pin it on me . Told me some insane story about how I—’
    I’d always liked that lie about Desi trying to kill himself over me. He had truly been devastated by our breakup, and he’d been really annoying, creepy, hanging around campus, hoping I’d take him back.
    So he might as well have attempted suicide.
    ‘What did Nick say about me?’
    ‘I think he knows that he can never hurt you now that the world knows and cares about who you are. He’d have to let you come back safely, and you could divorce him and marry the right man.’ He took a sip. ‘At long last.’
    ‘I can’t come back, Desi. Even if people believed everything about Nick’s abuse. I’d still be the one they hated – I was the one who tricked them. I’d be the biggest pariah in the world.’
    ‘You’d be my pariah, and I’d love you no matter what, and I’d shield you from everything,’ Desi said. ‘You would never have to deal with any of it.’
    ‘We’d never be able to socialize with anyone again.’
    ‘We could leave the country if you want. Live in Spain, Italy, wherever you like, spend our days eating mangoes in the sun. Sleep late, play Scrabble, flip through books aimlessly, swim in the ocean.’
    ‘And when I died, I’d be some bizarre footnote – a freak show. No. I do have pride, Desi.’
    ‘I’m not letting you go back to the trailer-park life. I’m not. Come with me, we’ll set you up in the lake house. It’s very secluded. I’ll bring groceries and anything you need, anytime. You