Gunmetal Magic: A Novel in the World of Kate Daniels

her?”
    “Yes.”
    “Will you tell me how it goes?”
    “You know that anything she says to me is confidential,” Martina said.
    “I know. Just tell me if it’s salvageable or not. We need her.”
    Martina shut off the recorder and put it down between us.
    “This doesn’t change anything,” I told her.
    Martina looked at me. “What’s the alternative, Andrea? Where do you see this situation going? You slapped her, in public.”
    “She backhanded me down the stairs.”
    “That was a gentle love tap compared to what she could’ve done. You challenged her. She can’t ignore you. You wouldn’t, in her place.”
    No, I wouldn’t. I would’ve gone after me. Quick, too.
    “You can leave,” Martina said.
    “I’m not leaving. This is my home now. Why should I leave?”
    “Then joining the Pack is your only choice. You can’t be unattached, Andrea. It is our law and you are subject to it, because you are a shapeshifter. You are one of us.”
    I clenched my teeth. “I could fight her.”
    “You would lose. But suppose you won,” Martina said. “Then what? I won’t follow you, Andrea. You didn’t fight beside me; you didn’t prove to me that you deserve to lead. I don’t know you and I don’t trust you. If you succeeded and killed Aunt B, we would all gang up on you. I don’t know where Raphael’s allegiances would lie, but he would have to choose between the woman he loves and his family. It is a lousy choice to make.”
    “Raphael and I are at a complicated place.”
    “I don’t doubt it. We’re boudas, after all.” Martina shrugged. “If a woman sees her boyfriend in a restaurant with another woman, she may march over and confront him there. She may wait and confront him later. But if a bouda sees another woman with her mate, she would throw her drink in his face, and then the table, and then perhaps an unlucky member of the restaurant staff if one happened to be nearby. We make dramatic statements, in fight and in love.”
    “Life would be easier without the drama,” I told her.
    “Not for us. We have to vent, Andrea. That’s the way we’re wired. But back to the clan. B’s current second isn’t fit to be in charge of the clan. She is beta, because nobody else wants the job and responsibility. We would be left leaderless and have to fight it out. Would you really be that selfish, Andrea?”
    She was right. I wouldn’t be. I didn’t want to be governed by shapeshifter laws, and some long-forgotten teenage part of me wanted to stomp my feet and scream that it wasn’t fair. But it was. A citizen of the country was subject to its laws, and while some people thought it was unfair, they still had to obey them. When they didn’t, people like me arrested them.
    I didn’t want to be treated special because I was beastkin. But I was, because I had forced the situation into a corner, and now everyone was making special allowances for me.
    What did I really have to lose by joining the clan? B was right, I did have the proper tools. I could join, take a position of responsibility, prove myself, and when the time came, I would take the boudas away from Aunt B.
    I puzzled over this thought, turning it this way and that in my mind. “Logically I know you are right. Everything you said makes sense. But it feels like giving up somehow.”
    Martina nodded. “You feel like your hand is being forced, and you have to join the Pack not because you want to, but because you must to do it to survive. This is your home and you want to live here on your terms, not the Pack’s.”
    “Yes.”
    “What is it you want to do in life, Andrea?”
    I looked at her. I had no idea how to answer.
    “Each of us selects a purpose,” Martina said. “Mine is to help people heal themselves. What’s yours?”
    “I’m not sure,” I told her.
    Martina smiled. “Something to think about.”
    I was a shapeshifter. Nobody could take it away from me. Nobody could force me into early retirement and the boudas needed me. But I had no idea what my goal in life was. I had never thought about it in grand terms.
    “Thank you for coming by,” I said. “Will you tell Aunt B I will be visiting her in a day or two?”
    Martina nodded. “I’ll let her know.”
    I catnapped after Martina and Ascanio left and heard the phone ring through my sleep. By the time I made it downstairs, the answering machine had kicked in.
    “Andi, it’s me,” Raphael said.
    I stepped away from the phone.
    “I went to see Garcia