Hotline to Murder

Church.”
    Then he started to talk about the wonders of heaven. To hear the Reverend tell it, heaven was indeed paradise, with amenities to suit every fantasy. If you liked tropical beaches, you would be on a heavenly Bora Bora. If you liked mountains, you would be surrounded by them. If you had been unhappy in love in this life, wait until the next one. Reverend Hodgkins made the possibilities sound better than the seventy-odd virgins promised to every Muslim suicide bomber.
    Then he came back to this world. It sounded to Tony as if the Reverend was telling them to turn their possessions, or the proceeds from selling their possessions, over to the Church. He looked around and wondered whether these people were really buying into this. He wondered whether Nathan was buying into this.
    When the length of the prayer threatened to put Tony to sleep, he remembered he had a printed program and looked at it for the first time. If he was correct about where they were in the service, the offering came next. And then the sermon. Who knew how long the sermon would go? Reverend Hodgkins was a strong-looking man who could probably talk for hours. Tony’s attention was also called to the fact that he had not had a chance to pee since leaving Shahla’s house, where he had drunk a bottle of beer with dinner. How long could he hold on?
    The prayer finally ended, and Reverend Hodgkins asked the men and women who were going to collect the offering to come to the front. He presented them with bowl-like containers, larger than the offering plates Tony was used to seeing in churches. He wondered why. He soon found out. People were dumping in large envelopes, presumably containing cash, as well as checks. This was evidence that the members of the congregation were taking the Reverend seriously about divesting their assets. Tony almost felt guilty about putting in only ten dollars. But why? What was going on here was a sophisticated form of robbery.
    And when the sermon started, Tony discovered that it wasn’t an ordinary sermon, building on a quotation from scripture or something similar. It was more of a planning session. Planning for the big day. Except that the Reverend didn’t say when the big day was. He went through the congregation, person-by-person, family-by-family, having them stand and tell how they were progressing concerning divestiture of their possessions. If they owned a house, had they sold it? Was it in escrow? Did they have a place to live, temporarily, after the sale closed? He wasn’t satisfied with the money they had already contributed. He wanted more.
    After their interrogation, some people remained in their seats, but others stood up and wandered around, talking to fellow members of the congregation. A few left the building, staring at Tony and Shahla on their way out. Tony had a whispered consultation with Shahla and they decided to leave after they heard Nathan speak.
    Nathan’s turn came about thirty minutes into this phase of the program. His only significant possession appeared to be a car. He stated that he thought he could sell his car, but that he needed it as long as he was working. The Reverend suggested that he stop working because the Great Day was at hand. Nathan seemed hesitant. Reverend Hodgkins admonished him saying that only true believers would be admitted to heaven. And they had to demonstrate their belief with actions.
    “Let’s get out of here,” Tony whispered to Shahla. He laboriously turned his body around to face the aisle and just as laboriously rose to his feet. They attracted more attention as they walked out of the church. The man who had given Tony the program on their way in smiled at them and said, “Have a glorious evening.”
    They went down the church walk to the street and were turning onto the sidewalk when a voice behind them called, “Wait.”
    They turned around and saw Nathan running after them. When he caught them, he stood panting for a moment, looking at the ground. When they didn’t say anything, he said, “Isn’t he wonderful?”
    Was Nathan serious? Tony was speechless. He began walking toward the car. Shahla and Nathan followed him. He hoped Nathan would get lost. He didn’t want this weirdo around Shahla.
    When they had gone a few feet and had separated themselves from other people who were leaving, Shahla said, “Nathan, don’t you realize that this is a scam to get all your money?”
    At least she had her head screwed on straight. Tony listened