House of Blues

child-hater. This dog thing was having a
weird effect.
    " Hey, champ, Napoleon's going to be okay. I
promise. Nothing bad's going to happen to him."
    " How dumb do you think I am? They're going to
kill him."
    "No, they're not."
    " I'm not stupid."
    " They don't kill dogs that get adopted. Napoleon
got adopted."
    "Oh, sure he did. Like you'd really know all
about it.".
    "Well, I should. I'm the new owner."
    "What?" Skip and Sheila spoke together.
Kenny's mouth dropped in wonder.
    Steve shrugged sheepishly at Skip. "I guess
you'll never come visit me again, huh?"
    " You adopted that dog?"
    "Had to. They were going to kill him." He
leaned against the counter with something that resembled a swagger.
    It worked like crazy with Kenny. "You did? You
really did?"
    "Uh-huh. Bet you'll come visit me."
    " Can I? Hey, Skip, can I?"
    " What, and leave Angel alone?"
    "Aren't we forgetting something?" Sheila
spoke severely. "We still have the James Scoggin hurdle."
She still had possession of the puppy, which was starting to wriggle
out of her arms.
    "Where is Napoleon?" Skip said, wanting to
make sure he wasn't anywhere close.
    "Oh, they're keeping him a few more days. I paid
for his vaccinations and all. Besides, they love him at the shelter.
Nobody wanted to off him. Shall we unpack? See, some nice puppy food,
a water dish—"
    "I'm going to put the gun away. " She
pulled on some clothes while she was at it, crossing her fingers that
Jimmy Dee would let them keep the puppy. He had twin soft spots for
Kenny and Sheila, but she just didn't see him opting for a pet that
was bound to systematically destroy his carefully decorated abode.
    Hearts were going to break, she thought.
    Let's face it, including mine. I really fell hard for
the little dickens. She had a thought as she came back down the
stairs: "Hey, Steve, she's not a border collie, is she? She
looks kind of like one."
    "Why?"
    "They're murder. They herd you and all your
neighbors. And they have to run a lot. Also, they're smarter than
most humans. I find that an unsettling quality in a dog."
    "Nah. She couldn't possibly be one." He
tweaked the puppy, distracting her from Kenny's shoelace, which she
was enthusiastically masticating.
    "By the way, how come you're babysitting? Did
Jimmy Dee go out or something?"
    " I don't think so. He's making cannelloni for
Layne. When Kenny saw it, he said such rude things I felt sorry for
Uncle Jimmy and offered to take the kids to McDonald's."
    "I did not!"
    ''Well, the look on your face said it all. Anyway, I
brought them over here and cast my evil spell first. We were kind of
hoping you'd be back in time to go with us."
    "I got delayed." She hoped her face didn't
betray too much, but it must have told him something.
    "How's Jim?"
    She shook her head briefly, telling him to shut up.
"Let's take Angel over to the Big House."
    "Okay," said Steve. "Everybody ready?"
He was a regular dad all of a sudden.
    "Kenny, you take Angel," said Sheila. "You
can be last."
    It was uncharacteristically generous, but Skip
figured she had a reason—she had a flair for drama.
    "Uncle Jimmy! We've got something to show you."
    He and Layne were in the living room having coffee.
"Hey, everybody. What took you so long?" They were twin
souls of civility. Skip didn't want to think about how a dog could
disrupt the momentarily peaceful household.
    "We had to make some stops," said Sheila.
    "Where's Kenny?"
    "He's bringing up the rear."
    "What are you showing me?"
    "Kenny's got it."
    Here goes, thought Skip. His
last normal moment. After this, everything changes.
    "Oh, Kenny, you can come in now." Sheila
hummed the wedding march. Skip and Steve joined in. Catching on,
Kenny came in haltingly, in time with the music.
    "Oh, my God, it's a puppy. Kenny Ritter, you get
that creature out of here this instant."
    "But she's beautiful," said Sheila.
    " The only thing worse than a big dog is a little
dog." Kenny held the puppy to his uncle's face, which she
obligingly licked.
    " Help, I've been kissed by a dog."
    ''Look how cute she is."
    "She had the audacity to lick me."
    Layne said, "My God, that's the cutest thing I
ever saw in my life."
    Dee-Dee glared at him. "Et tu, Brute."
    "Oh, for Christ's sake, James—quit camping it
up and look at her. Is that a face you can resist?" He held his
hands out for Angel, who came to him with full tail wags. "Ohhh,
look at the widdle thing. How can big ol' mean Jimmy Dee say no to a
little ol' ball of fur like this?"
    "I can't