Infinite 01 - Infinite Sacrifice

and do cartwheels with you?” His serious expression continues regardless of my attempt at making him laugh—maybe spirit guides don’t laugh. “This can’t be heaven. I thought I’d see those who passed before me. Where are my mom and dad? Why isn’t Finn here?”
    Things start to darken around me until Zachariah places his hand on my arm and everything illuminates.
    After a long pause, he clears his quiet throat and divulges, “This is a stage in heaven.”
    I wait, hoping my silence will force him to elaborate.
    He coughs again, as if his throat fought to stay closed, and states, “I brought you here to relax while you adjust. It’s a difficult transition. My job is to keep you calm in order to bring you back to your full consciousness.”
    “Full consciousness?”
    “While living, there are areas of the brain that remain off-limits. After you die, you’re allowed full access. If I were to give you this access all at once it would be overwhelming and potentially dangerous.”
    “Why do I need to have full consciousness?”
    “So you can remember your spiritual journey and all you’ve learned to go forward with your next phase.”
    “Like, have my life flash before me?”
    His tight smile makes his eyes twinkle. “No, have your lives flash before you.”
    “Lives? I’ve lived before?”
    Just like that psychic had said.
    “Yes, a number of times before, Lazrina.”
    “My name is Maya,” I say, suspicious he did mistake me.
    He cracks a slight smile. “That was your last life’s name, but your soul’s name is Lazrina.”
    The name that crazy psychic called me.
    I look around again. “Do you have to hypnotize me so I can access my full consciousness?”
    “No need for that. When you are ready, I’ll touch your arm and you’ll gradually access different parts of your mind, absorbing it back and creating a cohesive whole. Then you can move on—move on to see your loved ones.”
    “Okay, I’m ready then.” I close my eyes and put my arm out.
    “No, you’re not.” He pushes my arm back toward me gently. ”You need to understand a bit more before we do that. First, you need to understand you’ll be seeing your lives like watching a video in your mind.”
    I try to imagine what that would be like. “Like I’m sitting in a theater watching it?”
    “No, more like you’re in a lucid dream. You’ll open your eyes and you’ll hear, see, smell, taste, and feel everything that happened to you before. Also like a dream, you won’t be able to wake until the viewing is over.”
    This sounds like torture. “If I watch every moment, won’t that take years to watch?”
    “You’re going to see your past lives as you remember them; there will be large gaps in time and missing information. You will only be watching moments of great importance. After you watch every life, you’ll fully remember that life. It will become a part of you, which can be difficult and stressful to accept.”
    “Do I watch the life I’ve most recently left first?” A sick feeling in my stomach grows as I wonder if I’ll witness it all over again; it was hard enough getting through it all the first time.
    He shakes his head. “No, you must view each life from your first incarnation to your last.”
    “Can I choose not to go through with this?”
    “You can. We can just sit here, but then you can’t move on further to be reunited with the ones you want to be with right now.”
    It was like those mornings as a child when I’d wake up to the rare smell of pancakes, and when I rushed downstairs, all my siblings would be carrying syrupy plates to the sink—no one had thought to even wake me! Here they are again, somewhere farther in heaven, all together, without me, while I’m stalled in this whole process.
    “All I want to do is see them. I’ve waited so long.” Tears run down once I blink. “And now you’re telling me that I may never see them again?”
    “I have no doubt you will get through this. You always have, but I can wait until you feel you’re ready to start. I’ll try my best to prepare you and create a soothing atmosphere that will allow you to accept what you see. I can answer most questions you have and we can stop at any point until you are able to move on. Time is different here.”
    “What do you mean time is different here?” He couldn’t gloss over that.
    “Just like gravity is different on different planets, time is different here. It’s not easy to compare to earth time.