InSight

uttered a critical word.”
    * * * * *
    L uke noticed Abby’s distraction during the evening and tried to make light conversation. She silently prepared dinner and never turned in his direction until she put the plates on the table. When she did, she tipped over a glass of wine. The stem shattered. Daisy jumped up when Abby said something Luke couldn’t make out. He rushed over.
    “It’s just a glass. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.”
    “That’s right, you clean it up because I can’t,” she snapped. “Isn’ t that what you wanted to say?”
    He saw her words, but her tense body language said more. “No, that’s not what I wanted to say.”
    “Sure it is. Go ahead, say it.”
    “No way.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. “I would never infer that you needed help to do something as simple as clean up broken glass by running your fingers all over the shards. Not you. You can take on the whole world by yourself. Alone. In the dark.
    “What the hell’s wrong with you? You’re the shrink who’s supposed to help people, and you won’t let anyone help you. I’m on pins and needles watching you sometimes, but I’m so afraid of offending you if I offer to help that I back off. You want to clean it up? Go ahead. Do it. And when you want the glass picked out of your fingers, you can ask me to get the tweezers. I’ll be right here waiting.”
    She plunked down in the chair, still silent. Luke expected tears, but none came. She sat and stared into space, unmoving. A long time passed before she spoke.
    “I’m sorry.”
    Luke said nothing.
    “Are you looking at me?”
    He still didn’t answer.
    She reached across the table, waving her hand until she made contact, and tipped over the other glass of wine in the process. “I said I’m sorry. I warned you this could happen.”
    “I don’t understand why you don’t explode more often, and I don’t care if you do. I understand that. What I don’t understand is holding everything in side until it’s an atomic bomb.
    “We have to get a few things straight if we’re going to make it, Abby. You said you didn’t want me to be your crutch. Well, I don’t want to be yours either. That doesn’t mean I can’t help make your life easier. It works both ways, you know. I feel things for you I never thought possible, but I can’t walk on this broken glass to make it work because I’m afraid of offending your delicate sensibilities.”
    “I don’t want you to.”
    “What? I didn’t hear that. Would you mind repeating what you said? I want to get it on tape.”
    “Why? You can’t hear it anyway. Besides, I spoke directly to you. You saw it.”
    “I want it on tape so I can play it back in case you forget.”
    She got up, felt her way over to him, and sat on his lap. Running her fingers over his face, she found his lips and kissed him. “I’m sorry, Luke. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to ask for help. You’d think after eight years, I’d admit there are some things I don’t do very well. It takes me so damn long to make dinner, and I hate cooking more than anything. And I love you a hundred times more than I hate cooking. I’m sorry. Forgive me?”
    “I’m here for you, Abby, and I will be as long as you want me. And I like to cook. If you want my opinion, I don’t think you’d be a very good cook even if you could see, so what’s the big deal if I do it? I’ll even learn to make quiche or steam green beans if that’s what you want to eat. Now, do you want to tell me why you’re in such a foul mood? It’s not just a broken glass. I’m sure that’s not the first one you’ve broken, and it won’t be the last.”
    Her hesitation confirmed something deeper churned inside her. “I guess I’m afraid of what this doctor is going to find out. Did I know something eight years ago that could have prevented Stewart from ― ”
    “Stop. You can’t beat yourself up for something you couldn’t control. You can’t go back in time.”
    “But what if ― ”
    “You can’t.” He touched her face. “It won’t make any difference to the way things turned out. Stop thinking about it. Now, I’m hungry. There’s broken glass and wine all over dinner and all over the floor, so let me clean it up. Then we’re going out to eat. Is that all right with you?”
    “I ruined dinner?”
    “Sweetheart, you ruined dinner before you ever put it on the table.”

Chapter Thirty-Eight
    Going Under

    T he next day, after Jeff swept