Jane Eyre

the stool and denominated, ›a little bungler.‹ Being pushed unceremoniously to one side – which was precisely what I wished – he usurped my place, and proceeded to accompany himself: for he could play as well as sing. I hied me to the window-recess; and while I sat there and looked out on the still trees and dim lawn, to a sweet air was sung in mellow tones, the following strain: –
     
    The truest love that ever heart
    Felt at its kindled core
    Did through each vein, in quickened start,
    The tide of being pour.
     
    Her coming was my hope each day,
    Her parting was my pain;
    The chance that did her steps delay
    Was ice in every vein.
     
    I dreamed it would be nameless bliss,
    As I loved, loved to be;
    And to this object did I press
    As blind as eagerly.
     
    But wide as pathless was the space
    That lay, our lives, between,
    And dangerous as the foamy race
    Of ocean-surges green.
     
    And haunted as a robber-path
    Through wilderness or wood;
    For Might and Right, and Woe and Wrath,
    Between our spirits stood.
     
    I dangers dared; I hind'rance scorned;
    I omens did defy:
    Whatever menaced, harassed, warned,
    I passed impetuous by.
     
    On sped my rainbow, fast as light;
    I flew as in a dream;
    For glorious rose upon my sight
    That child of Shower and Gleam.
     
    Still bright on clouds of suffering dim
    Shines that soft, solemn joy;
    Nor care I now, how dense and grim
    Disasters gather nigh:
     
    I care not in this moment sweet,
    Though all I have rushed o'er
    Should come on pinion, strong and fleet,
    Proclaiming vengeance sore:
     
    Though haughty Hate should strike me down,
    Right, bar approach to me,
    And grinding Might, with furious frown,
    Swear endless enmity.
     
    My love has placed her little hand
    With noble faith in mine,
    And vowed that wedlock's sacred band
    Our nature shall entwine.
     
    My love has sworn, with sealing kiss,
    With me to live – to die;
    I have at last my nameless bliss:
    As I love – loved am I!
     
    He rose and came towards me, and I saw his face all kindled, and his full falcon-eye flashing, and tenderness and passion in every lineament. I quailed momentarily – then I rallied. Soft scene, daring demonstration, I would not have; and I stood in peril of both: a weapon of defence must be prepared – I whetted my tongue: as he reached me, I asked with asperity, »whom he was going to marry now?«
    »That was a strange question to be put by his darling Jane.«
    »Indeed! I considered it a very natural and necessary one: he had talked of his future wife dying with him. What did he mean by such a pagan idea?
I
had no intention of dying with him – he might depend on that.«
    »Oh, all he longed, all he prayed for, was that I might live with him! Death was not for such as I.«
    »Indeed it was: I had as good a right to die when my time came as he had: but I should bide that time, and not be hurried away in a suttee.«
    »Would I forgive him for the selfish idea, and prove my pardon by a reconciling kiss?«
    »No: I would rather be excused.«
    Here I heard myself apostrophized as a »hard little thing«; and it was added, »any other woman would have been melted to marrow at hearing such stanzas crooned in her praise.«
    I assured him I was naturally hard – very flinty, and that he would often find me so; and that, moreover, I was determined to show him divers rugged points in my character before the ensuing four weeks elapsed: he should know fully what sort of a bargain he had made, while there was yet time to rescind it.
    »Would I be quiet, and talk rationally?«
    »I would be quiet if he liked; and as to talking rationally, I flattered myself I was doing that now.«
    He fretted, pished, and pshawed. »Very good,« I thought; »you may fume and fidget as you please: but this is the best plan to pursue with you, I am certain. I like you more than I can say; but I'll not sink into a bathos of sentiment: and with this needle of repartee I'll keep you from the edge of the gulph too; and, moreover, maintain by its pungent aid that distance between you and myself most conducive to our real mutual advantage.«
    From less to more, I worked him up to considerable irritation; then, after he had retired, in dudgeon, quite to the other end of the room, I got up, and saying, »I wish you good-night, sir,« in my natural and wonted respectful manner, I slipped out by the side-door and got away.
    The system thus entered on, I pursued during the whole season of probation; and with the best