Kissed a Sad Goodbye

Bill.”
    “And?” asked Gemma, grinning.
    “We have a proper dinner date. Tonight. He’s a nice enough bloke,” Janice added, defensively.
    “I’m sure he is,” said Gemma, and surprised Janice by giving her a quick hug before collecting her things and saying goodbye.
     
    * * *
     
    DURING LAST FRIDAY’S STORM LIGHTNING HAD Struck the DLR tracks, but the damage had been repaired and Gemma had taken the tube and then the train out to Limehouse.
    The storm had brought a week of clear skies and mild weather as well, and as Gemma boarded the DLR at Westferry, she looked forward to her walk home alone from the Angel tube stop. All week she had been plagued by a sort of melancholy that not even the thought of tomorrow’s piano lesson had relieved, and although she knew she was indulging it, she couldn’t seem to shake it off.
    She had tried to put Gordon Finch from her mind—it had been an impossible relationship from the beginning, she knew that. But still she had this nagging sense of opportunities missed, of doors not opened, and when she emerged from the Angel and saw that the music shop across Pentonville Road was still open, she went in.
    She browsed for a bit, looking over simple arrangements that she thought she might be able to learn to play, but in the end she bought what she knew she had come in for—the sheet music for Rodgers and Hart’s “Where or When.” Tomorrow, she’d ask Wendy if she could work towards learning it.
    Tucking the music a bit guiltily into her bag as she left the shop, she walked back to the Liverpool Road, past the Sainsbury’s where she’d first seen Gordon, turning into Richmond Avenue for the last few blocks before she reached Thornhill Gardens.
    Suddenly, she stopped, listening, thinking at first she was imagining the notes of the clarinet, faint on the clear air. Then she saw him, sitting on a swing in the empty school yard, clarinet in hand. He stood and came towards her.
    “I took a chance,” he said.
    “But how—”
    “I used to watch the way you walked home. I wanted to know about you.”
    “But you—” She shook her head. He had never seemed to notice her at all.
    “I’ve seen your son, too. How old is he?”
    “He’s three,” said Gemma, bemused. “His name’s Toby. Gordon, about your dad—how is he?”
    “He’s gone to Surrey—something about laying ghosts. But that’s not why I wanted to see you,” he added quickly. “I think we have some unfinished business, you and I... and...” He looked away, rubbing his fingers absently over the keys of the clarinet. “And it seems to me that the past has done enough damage, that we shouldn’t let what’s happened chart our course.”
    Gemma met his eyes then, and what she saw there made her throat tighten with emotion. Gordon Finch would never say he was lonely, would never admit to needing anyone, and she knew the effort it must have taken him to come here.
    But she also saw something else. He had put before her the choice she’d never expected to have the option of making. Reaching up, she kissed him on the lips, then stepped back and looked at him. “I can’t,” she said. “I’m sorry.” And before she could change her mind, she turned and walked away.
     
    THERE WAS NO ANSWER WHEN TERESA rang Reg Mortimer’s bell, but when she tried the door it swung open.
    “Reg?” she called softly as she stepped inside and looked round. The sitting room was a maze of cardboard boxes, some sealed, some still standing open, and the bare walls made the flat feel even more abandoned.
    She had called out again when she saw him, sitting in a chair on the little round balcony, huddled into a shapeless old cardigan even though it was quite warm.
    When she went out to him, he said, “I will miss the view,” as if continuing a conversation.
    “Where are you going?”
    “To my parents’ for a bit. Until I can find a job, get back on my feet. The removal men come tomorrow.”
    “I want to talk to you.” She moved between him and the river, so that he had to look at her. “About Hammond’s.”
    “Teresa, I—”
    “No, listen to me. I thought about leaving, too. I didn’t know if I could go on, with everything that’s happened.... But there’s Jo to consider now. She needs me. And I... I don’t think I can do it without you,” she finished hurriedly. How could she say things any more clearly and still retain a shred of pride?
    Reg looked past her, frowning. “I’ve told you, you don’t