Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal

you can always find them in the Gospels if you want.
    My sending Joshua and Biff to the East was motivated purely by story, not by basis in the Gospel or historical evidence. While there are indeed astounding similarities between the teachings of Jesus and those of Buddha (not to mention those of Lao-tzu, Confucius, and the Hindu religion, all which seem to have included some version of the Golden Rule), it’s more likely that these stem from what I believe to be logical and moral conclusions that any person in search of what is right would come to, e.g.: that the preferable way to treat one another is with love and kindness; that pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity; and that somehow, as human beings, we are all connected spiritually. While historians and theologians don’t completely rule out the possibility that Christ may have traveled to the East, they seem to agree that he could have formulated the teachings we find in the Gospels with no more influence than the rabbinical teachings in Galilee and Judea. But what fun would that have been?
    Finally, this story was set in a dire time, a deadly serious time, and the world of the first-century Jew under the rule of the Romans would not have been one that easily inspired mirth. It’s more than a small anachronism that I portray Joshua having and making fun, yet somehow, I like to think that while he carried out his sacred mission, Jesus of Nazareth might have enjoyed a sense of irony and the company of a wisecracking buddy. This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone’s faith; however, if one’s faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.
    My thanks to the many people who helped in the research and writing of this book, especially those who were generous enough to share their beliefs without judgment or condemnation.
    Many thanks to Neil Levy, Mark Joseph, Professor William “Sundog” Bersley, Ray Sanders, and John “The Heretic” Campbell for their advice on religion, philosophy, and history. To Charlee Rodgers for putting up with the fits, starts, whining, and hubris of the process, as well as to Dee Dee Leichtfuss for readings and comments. Special thanks to Orly Elbaz, who was my tour guide through Israel and who showed infinite patience in answering my nitpicky historical questions. Also to my agent, Nick Ellison, and my editor, Tom Dupree, for their patience, tolerance, and advice.
Christopher Moore
BIG SUR, CALIFORNIA
NOVEMBER 2000

PRAISE FOR
    Christopher Moore
    Fluke
    “Moore is endlessly inventive…. This cetacean picaresque is no fluke—it is a sure winner.”— Publishers Weekly (starred review)
    Lamb
    “An instant classic…. Terrific, funny, and poignant.”
—Rocky Mountain News
    The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
    “Reads like author Christopher Moore laughed his head off while writing it, quite possibly taking hits of nitrous oxide between sentences.”
—Miami Herald
    Island of the Sequined Love Nun
    “Humor that seamlessly blends lunacy with larceny…habit-forming zaniness…. The careers of the writers with even a quarter as much wit and joie de vivre as Moore are always worth following.”
—USA Today
    Bloodsucking Fiends
    “Goofy grotesqueries…wonderful…delicious…bloody funny…like a hip and youthful ‘Abbott and Costello Meet the Lugosis.’”
—San Francisco Chronicle
    Coyote Blue
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    Practical Demonkeeping
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—Carl Hiaasen

Also by CHRISTOPHER MOORE
    Practical Demonkeeping
    Coyote Blue
    Bloodsucking Fiends
    Island of the Sequined Love Nun
    The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

Copyright
    This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
    LAMB. Copyright © 2002 by Christopher Moore. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may