Leo Frankowski

an Italian movie a successful
experiment, you go ahead.”
    “I can see
nothing wrong with increasing my own strength and stamina.”
    “Sure. That’s fine.
But the green eyes and the wavy black hair and the baby-smooth complexion,
Heiny? Kid stuff! You’re seventy years old and you oughta be above that kind of
thing.”
    “I’m entitled to
a little fun.”
    “And what do
you need with being seven feet tall for, anyway?”
    “For one thing,
it hides the size of my head,” Coper nick said. “How is your end of it going,
Uncle Martin?”
    “Just fine and
ahead of schedule. My tree houses are getting real popular. Eleven separate species
are in public use, with nine more in the advanced experimental stage. My best
estimates are one point five million inhabited tree houses and eight million more
growing up. Seven million people are living in them right now!” Guibedo glowed
with pride.
    “Excellent!
That’s almost one tenth of one percent of the world’s population.”
    “The
progression is a geometrical one,” Guibedo said. “We’re almost
there, in a coupla years.”
    “I wasn’t being
facetious, Uncle Martin. I’m genuinely proud of you. How about the
heavy-metal extraction project?”
    “That’s what I
came over here to tell you about. Those kidney trees we planted over the old
mines are all growed up.”
    “Kidney
trees?”
    “Yah. I call
them that because the extraction glands work just like a human kidney, getting rid of
poisonous substances.”
    “Like gold,
silver, and platinum.” Heinrich laughed. “But are they working?”
    “So-so. I think
maybe I should have made the mercury come inside of cherries instead of
grapefruits. When they fall off the tree, they go schpritzing all over the place. And the
mercury gets absorbed by the roots and goes up to the top of the tree, and comes
schpritzing down again. Son of a gun, shit. If that mercury was orange paint, I’d look
like a pumpkin.”
    “You know, Uncle
Martin, I could take care of your weight problem pretty easily.”
    “What problem? I
like being me. And the ground is covered with grapefruit rinds.”
    “Nothing
serious, we can rig nets or something. But what about the other metals?”
    “Oh, that’s
pretty good, even if the trees are overworked with the mercury. I got a lot of
golden apples and platinum pears out in the truck. I didn’t have room for the silver pinecones
or the osmium cherries.”
     
    “Blade!
Attention! Central Coordination Unit here.”
    A multicolor LDU
laid aside the history text that he was reading and trotted over to the CCU’s
Input/Output unit in his barracks. “Sir!”
    “Blade, take
your platoon and unload Lord Guibedo’s truck. Assay the contents and report. Build a smelter and convert the gold into standard twenty-pound
bars. Store the platinum for the time
being.”
    “Sir!”
     
    “A truckload of
gold and platinum!” Heinrich said. “Great! Now we can afford to exercise
our option to purchase on the land we planted the trees on.”
    “And you better
do it in a hurry, kid,” Guibedo said. “And get a big fence around it. I saw a
troop of boys out hiking, maybe two miles from the main grove.”
     
    “Vintovka!
Attention! Central Coordination Unit here.”
    “Sir!”
    “Vintovka, a
troop of boys is on the march two miles north of the heavy-metal extraction grove. I
want them under continuous observation. Launch four observation birds, different
species, rotation at ten-minute intervals. If the boys come within one mile of the
grove, notify me.”
    “Sir!”
     
    *
    “I’ll get a
lawyer right on it, Uncle Martin. Or better still, this would be a good project for the
Central Coordination Unit.”
     
    “Crockett and
Felderstein.”
    “Mark? Heinrich
Copernick here,” the Central Coordination Unit said. “I’ve decided to
exercise my option on the old Golden Hoard mines. Can you arrange a closing for next Tuesday
morning, say ten a.m. at your office?”
    “That’s only six
days away, but my clients have a clear title. Sure. You figure there’s some
life in those old mines?”
    “I think it’s
worth a try. I’ll bring a certified check for $950,000 with me. You can handle the
title insurance, prorations, and so on.”
    “My usual two
percent?”
    “Bullshit!
Fifty dollars per hour. Take it or leave it.”
    “I’ll take
it.”
     
    “Kemper, Lodge,
and Smith.”
    “Barry?
Heinrich Copernick here,” the CCU said.
    “How are you,
Heinrich?”
    “Great.