Like This, for Ever

screaming being on the ruddy internet.’
    ‘Is it possible the photo isn’t Oliver?’ asked Susan. ‘Just some other kid who looks like him? I know his parents identified him, but they were under a lot of stress.’
    ‘He’s still bloody missing.’
    ‘This is getting us nowhere,’ said Dana. ‘OK, I’m going back totalk to his parents. Neil, can you check on how the searches are going? Gayle, you OK to—’
    ‘Keep watching Facebook? Yes, Ma’am.’

45
    ‘LACEY, CAN I tell you something else?’
    They were home. Once they’d left the café, Barney had been anxious to get back so they’d ridden fast. Lacey had insisted Barney stay in front and wait for her at each junction. More than once, passers-by had glared at her, no doubt thinking her highly irresponsible to have a child out on his bike so late. Now they were both out of breath, warm despite the cold wind and drizzling rain. Lacey leaned her bike against the railings above her flat.
    ‘Of course,’ she said, wondering what on earth was coming now.
    ‘I think there’s something wrong with my brain.’
    She honestly never knew what this child was going to say next. ‘Barney, you’re the most intelligent child I know.’ No need to tell him he was practically the only child she knew. ‘I really doubt there’s anything wrong with your brain.’
    He looked pleased, then doubtful, finally uncertain.
    ‘Why do you think there’s something wrong?’ she asked, removing her helmet. Her hair, damp with rain and sweat, clung to her head.
    ‘I have episodes,’ he said, after a moment.
    ‘Episodes?’
    ‘It’s the right word. I looked it up.’
    ‘What sort of episodes?’
    His eyes fell to the rain-streaked pavement. ‘I lose time,’ he said.‘I just don’t remember anything. Hours can go by and I haven’t a clue what I’ve done.’
    ‘And when do these episodes happen?’
    ‘Usually when I’m alone,’ he said. ‘At home, or out skating. But it happened in class once. The bell rang and I realized I hadn’t a clue what I’d been doing for about half the class, since Mrs Green told us to work through our maths books. I’d done the work, I just couldn’t remember doing it.’
    ‘Sounds like a daydream to me. I had them a lot when I was your age.’
    She had, too. It had been her way of dealing with a pretty awful life. ‘You say hours can go by?’ she asked him. That had been an exaggeration, surely. Daydreams lasted minutes at most.
    ‘This one time, I was sitting at my computer and I realized I’d no idea what I’d done all evening. I couldn’t even remember getting home from school. I thought I’d been out, because my coat was wet, but I just didn’t know.’
    He was getting upset again. The skin around his eyes was turning pink, the contours of his mouth stiffening. He was shivering too, his smaller body had chilled down quickly. He needed to be indoors with a hot bath and hot chocolate, to be looked after properly. Oh, she was so out of her depth with this. ‘Have you told your dad?’
    He shook his head. ‘They seem to happen when he’s out. I don’t want him feeling guilty.’
    Well, it was about bloody time he felt guilty. An eleven-year-old kid suffering blackouts and his dad was leaving him on his own? ‘Is your dad out at the moment?’ she asked him.
    He nodded, but couldn’t look at her again. ‘I think so.’
    ‘When does he get back?’
    ‘I’m not sure. I’m usually asleep.’
    ‘Do you want me to come in and wait with you?’
    ‘No. Don’t tell him I told you. Please. Or about Mum. Or about me being at the boat tonight. Please.’
    What was he so afraid of?
    ‘OK, listen to me, Barney. A few years ago, when I was a bit older than you are now, but still quite young, I had episodes too. Periodsof time that I had no memory of. It was like someone had taken a whiteboard rubber and just wiped away my memory.’
    ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘That’s what it’s like.’
    She made herself smile at him, even though she felt like crying.
    ‘It was a very difficult time for me,’ she said. ‘And I think the periods of memory loss were caused by sadness and worry. I think there were times when I was just so unhappy my mind couldn’t cope, so it sort of went to sleep. Does that make sense?’
    He nodded.
    ‘I think something similar could be happening to you. I think your anxiety over your mum could be the main cause of it. The important thing to remember is that for me it didn’t last, and I