Midnight Honor

meant for you to feel
this
guilty,” she protested with a shake of her head. “Not so much so that you would actually consider going
back
. Do you know what they will do to you if they catch you spying?”
    “Probably the same thing they have done to a dozen other men who have thought the risk worth taking. And in this case,the potential benefits far outweigh the dangers. Anne … it isn't as if my heart hasn't wanted to do more all along. It is my damned head that has been too hard, and it has just needed an extra knock or two to get me to see things clearly. Cameron is right. They need someone in Cumberland's camp and I am a logical choice. I am privy to the kind of information that could help them prevent a disaster. And besides,” he added, trying in vain to dispel some of the panic he could see shadowing her eyes, “while this is hardly comparable to riding onto a battlefield and slaying dragons, it is something I am infinitely qualified to do. Fine dinners at Holyrood House, comfortable billets in town houses where I can scratch out lists and copy orders in the dead of night. Even if the effort is coming at the eleventh hour, this is something I have to do, Anne. I'm not entirely convinced it isn't too late already, but if I can help—and not just for the prince's sake, but for the sake of preventing all of Scotland from going up in flames— then don't you see I have to try?”
    “You're not just doing this for me,” she said warily, searching his face for some weakness to attack, “or for any foolish notion of winning the approval of men like MacGillivray and Cameron? Because if so, you were only doing what you thought was right for the clan as a whole. You made your decision and you stood by it. There is no shame in that.”
    “I don't need their approval, but I would like to be counted among them, Anne, just for a little while. As for needing anything from you,” he added softly, “your love, your faith, your trust is more than anything I ever hoped to call my own.”
    She shook her head again. “Then I am not letting you go back alone. I am coming to Edinburgh with you.”
    “Now that is definitely out of the question,” he said gently.
    “Why? I can play the part of the berated wife, humiliated into obedience, dragged away and threatened with beatings if I do not behave.” She tightened her arms around his neck, pulling herself up so that her face was buried against his shoulder. “I'll be such a quiet, docile mouse you won't even know I am in the room, and … and I'll even pin a black cockade on my bodice and learn how to sing ‘Up and Waur'em a' Willie,’ and if anyone asks I shall say I was kidnapped from Moy Hall and forced to ride with the clan as a hostage.”
    He stroked the gleaming red crown of her hair. “You know you cannot come with me, Anne. And not because I doubt for a moment you could charm the devil out of any ten dukes of Cumberland.”
    “Then why—?”
    “Because the clan needs you here. They need a strong, fearless leader; one who has never wavered a moment in her faith or convictions.”
    “They have MacGillivray. They don't need me.”
    “Don't need you?” He cupped her face in his hands and tilted it enough to find her eyes. “Have you not seen the way the men look at you? Have you not heard the way they cheer when you ride past, the way their chests swell and they grin ear to ear with pride? Have you had one single man desert?”
    She chewed miserably on her lip and whispered, “No.”
    “No. In fact, you have had more joining the ranks every day. I have recognized a hundred men who marched away from Inverness with me, but crossed the field when they saw you up on Robert the Bruce carrying the clan colors. You cannot abandon them now, Anne. They will need you more than ever when the army returns to the Highlands. They will need your leadership, your courage, your spirit.” He kissed her tenderly to emphasize each enviable quality, lingering over the last until he could tighten the leash on his own emotions.
    She studied his face another long moment before burying her face in his shoulder again. “It isn't fair. It just isn't fair! To finally have you here with me … and now you expect me just to watch you leave again!”
    “Courage, my love,” he murmured. “You have so much and I so little. Leave me what few shreds I have managed to muster about me, and do not make it any more difficult than it is already, I beg you. The prince is taking his