Moonglass

expand into an eerie glow.
    Suddenly the water around me grows cooler and I want only to be in the warmth of the glow, so I angle my body downward and kick. The farther down I go, the more I need to find the source of light and warmth, so I kick harder, propelling myself into what should be cold, dark water .
    And then I see her, and I stop dead, suspended in the liquid stillness of the water .
    The mermaid’s long blond hair flows and curls around the luminous curves of her body as she swims, inches above the sparkling ocean floor. I stay still, afraid that if I move, she’ll disappear. Her movements are fluid and strong as she hovers over the sand, pausing briefly at a large rock before moving on. Without thinking about it, I know she’s searching for something, though I’m not sure what it is. I want to help her find it, so I bring my feet together and give a tentative kick, disturbing the stillness of the water .
    She freezes, startled, then turns and fixes her sad green eyes on me. Her face is distressed at first, but softens when our eyes meet. There is a pang in my chest, somewhere between deep sorrow and shining hope .
    My mother .
    And then, as if the same realization hits her, she shoots upward, toward the surface, leaving me behind in a dark whirl of tiny bubbles .
    I am paralyzed at the bottom of the ocean as the last of the bubbles swirl up and then disappear into the blue above me. I sink down onto the sand, alone and suddenly cold. I am there only a moment before I have the sensation that it is raining underwater. Something lands beside my foot, creating a tiny, momentary puff of sand .
    I lift my chin slowly, and the coldness that I feel gives way to silent wonder. All around me gleaming drops of color make their way down through the fluid smoothness. They move in slow motion, spiraling down, catching and throwing light as they descend. I reach out my hand to catch a cobalt drop, and as it slips between my fingers, I recognize its smooth, solid surface .
    At that moment I am conscious of the sound that I somehow know has been there all along. As it gains strength, the ocean floor explodes with tiny puffs of sand, drops of sea glass settling down into it .
    Above me, my mother is weeping .

CHAPTER 12
    I didn’t go near the water for nearly a week. Instead I left in the morning for practice, where I ran hard enough that Jillian had a hard time sticking with me, and Coach Martin reminded me repeatedly to save my legs for the upcoming meet. After practice I went to the shopping center across the highway and aimlessly wandered the stores, even when I could tell that the shop girls were completely irritated. I spent hours on end at the Starbucks, listening from behind my magazine to people order, and talk on their cel phones, and gossip. I came home after dark, so I didn’t have to look at my mom’s cottage or decline my dad’s invitations to surf before he had to go to work.
    On the weekend, when we finally passed in the hall, Dad paused and grabbed me gently by the shoulders. “Hey, stranger! Haven’t seen much of you since I switched over to nights. Feels like I’m living with a ghost.” He looked me over carefully. “Everything okay, kiddo?” I shrugged his hands off. “I know. Sorry. I’m just busy with practice, and school starts tomorrow, so I wanted to do a little shopping …” His mouth fell open. “Oh, jeez. I’m sorry, hon. I didn’t realize it was tomorrow.” He pulled out his wall et and handed me a crisp hundred-dollar bill. “Here.
    Why don’t you go out with Ashley or something and pick yourself up a few new things for school then?” I didn’t answer at first. I hadn’t actually meant I wanted to go shopping.
    “You know … here. Use this instead.” He took back the hundred and handed me his ATM card. “Just in case you need a little more. You know the PIN.” I twirled the card slowly between my fingers before tucking it into my pocket. “Thanks, Dad, but you don’t need to give me this.” He laid a heavy hand on my head. “Hey. I realize it’s not easy starting out someplace new. But you’re gonna be fine. Don’t sweat it.”
    “I know, I know. Thank you.” I forced a smile he could believe, then turned to go before he could see it slip away.
    “Have fun,” he called after me. “Go big if you want—it’s your one chance. This promotion’s gotta be good for something.” I sat on the edge of a fountain that shot water high up into the air in