My Kind of Christmas

remember.
    “How?”
    “Give me a secret,” she said. “Then we’ll be even.”
    “It’s more complicated than just secret sharing,” he informed her.
    “Start there,” she said. “I’m good with secrets.”
    He was quiet for a moment, breathing into the phone. He could hear her breath, as well, and it felt like high school when he’d call the flavor of the week and romance her into the late night over the phone, a lot of which was just heavy breathing.
    “Okay,” he finally said. “Here’s one for you. My best friend’s wife, um, widow, Marie—she’s great. She has it all—she’s pretty and nice and funny. She’s very strong and brave, though losing Jake has really been hard on her, but what else would you expect? When we were on a mission, she hardly ever complained—she missed him but she had a life. Her first priority was always family—she’s a great wife and mother.” He paused. “ Was a great wife. And she was a great military spouse because she understood—the work her husband was doing was vital and everyone involved made sacrifices so that work could be done. The men and women who served, the spouses, the kids…
    “I don’t know why I’m telling you this—you couldn’t possibly understand. You’re twenty-three—years away from thinking like this. But I’m older. I’ve had a couple of serious girlfriends that didn’t work out. The last one I was with for four years and even though in my gut I knew we were on different paths, I thought we’d last. I should’ve known better. But now, at thirty-three… Well, I think a little differently.
    “I was with Jake when he met Marie and, man, it hit him like a Mack truck. Two years later I was his best man. Two years after that I stood as godfather to his son. And two years after that I…I helped Marie bury him.
    “They’re my family, Angie. As much my family as Luke, Colin, Sean and Aiden. And here’s what I’d like you to keep to yourself—if my brothers found out I’ve been…” He took a deep breath. “Marie’s the reason I’ve been reconsidering the Navy. Jake asked me to look out for Marie and Daniel, make sure they’re taken care of, and Marie needs me. The truth is, I’ve always loved her. Not in an inappropriate way, not in a way that would have threatened her marriage, I swear to God. I loved her like a best friend. She has high standards, she’s loyal.”
    He was answered with complete silence. Finally she said, “I’m, ah, speechless.”
    “You probably think I’m crazy, but I’m just trying to think practically. I gave him my word. I told him I’d look out for Marie if anything ever happened to him. I made a promise, and I plan to keep it.”
    “Do you suppose he meant for you to marry her?”
    “I highly doubt it,” Patrick said. “But making sure Marie is taken care of, that’s important to me. Very important.”
    “Patrick, don’t you think you should be in love before you marry someone? ” Angie asked incredulously.
    “It probably makes more sense not to be. It’s about compatibility, Angie. Finding the kind of person who fits, you know what I mean? Even if you have to make some compromises—like the fact that she absolutely wants to live in Oklahoma, and there’s no Navy fighter squadron in Oklahoma....”
    She was quiet for a moment, just thinking. “You older men and your ‘practical thinking’ are a little strange.”
    “You’re probably right,” he said with a laugh. She remained quiet and he sensed he might have gone too far. He decided to say goodbye before he revealed any more damning information—though after this, he wasn’t sure there were worse secrets left to tell. “Time for lights out, Tinker Bell. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I’m sure.”
    * * *
    On the other side of the mountain, in Jack and Mel’s cabin, Angie laid on the couch, the phone still on her ear long after Paddy signed off, eyes wide and mouth open slightly. I’m going to marry Marie, but I’ll see you tomorrow . Really?
    A regular girl would be angry. Jealous. Insulted. But Angie wasn’t a regular girl—she was different and she knew it. She saw right through his plan. He was responsible; he put duty first. And he was so lonely, in so much pain, he had a plan to marry his best friend’s widow because it was safe. She couldn’t imagine the magnitude of such a mistake. She also knew that simply telling him that would never work.
    Imagining how he might feel inside made her heart hurt