No Regrets

was not encouraging: John Martin had a number of aliases, including “Butch Martin” and “Leroi Martin.” He had previously been arrested for rape, grand theft, and some lesser crimes. Martin had been charged under California statute 261.3 P.C.—“Rape by Force.” Deemed a candidate for rehabilitation, he had been placed in the Delancey Street offenders’ program in lieu of state prison.
    The investigators also called Ben Lindholm, * Kari’s husband, and told him that his wife was missing—missing under highly disturbing circumstances. He threw on his clothes and drove to Sancho Panza. He made up his mind that he would not tell Kari’s mother—who lived hundreds of miles away, just north of Los Angeles—that her daughter had been kidnapped. If they could find Kari quickly, her mother might never have to know. Why put her through the anxiety if he didn’t have to?
    If the news wasn’t good, Kari’s mother would have to know soon enough.
    Sergeant Jim Bridewell went into the living room to gather up whatever evidence the kidnappers might have left. He carefully bagged their coffee cups into evidence, along with the cord from around Shelly’s wrist and a pile of cigarette butts. Then he asked that an ID technician be dispatched to the abduction scene to dust for fingerprints.
    The counselor due to come on duty for the morning shift, Gracie Phelps,* was notified, and she came to work early so that, if Kari somehow managed to call, she could be told that everything was normal and the police had not been called. Moreover,
someone
had to be on duty at San-cho Panza to oversee the residents and the clients who would be coming in for counseling.
    Kari was still alive. It was probably lucky that she didn’t know about John Martin’s criminal background, and yet she dreaded the possibility that either he or the man behind the wheel might have more than kidnapping in mind.
    Unfortunately, she was right. Once they appeared to be heading in the right direction, John turned toward Kari and applied more pressure with the knife that he continued to hold against the skin of her throat, stopping just short of drawing blood. He traced an invisible pattern in her flesh, enjoying the way she involuntarily cringed.
    “Take off your pants,” he ordered, adding, “I’m sure you knew this was going to happen.”
    Kari had made up her mind to do whatever she had to do to live, and she had known all along that a sexual attack was a very real danger. She had to disassociate her body from her mind. If she fought John, as unstable as heseemed to be, it might well set him off. She had no hope of escape at this point. She had to do what he ordered.
    “I took off my shoes first, and then my pants. John said, ‘Keep going,’ so I took off my nylons, which left me completely exposed from the waist down...”
    “Lay down [sic],” John directed. “No—lay down on top of me.” He didn’t remove his trousers but unzipped his fly as he rested on his back in the backseat. Kari obeyed his order and moved on top of him.
    “He then started kissing me, thrusting his tongue in my mouth. He started rubbing his penis mechanically against my pubic area until he started to get an erection. John also put his finger up my vagina and began to probe, hurtfully.”
    She tried not to think about his body odor, or what sexually transmitted diseases he might have. She knew how insecure he was, and that showing distaste or revulsion toward him would surely make him angry.
    “I didn’t fight or struggle or protest while John was raping me,” she recalls. “I had decided that my best bet was to go along with him. The knife was ever present. He told me to get on the bottom. I was so frightened that when he was through—if he was
ever
through—that would be when he would kill me, and dump me off on some deserted road. If he didn’t have an orgasm, he would be so angry that he would probably kill me.”
    It seemed to Kari that, either way, she didn’t have much of a chance.
    “John thrust his penis up my vagina so violently that it hurt and he started pumping. I thought he was going to knock the wind out of me,” she remembers. “After what seemed like an eternity, he had what
seemed
like an orgasm. His body sort of ‘tremored’ and he seemed to losehis erection. He got off me, and told me to get my clothes back on.”
    Kari dressed, all but her shoes. Satiated, John appeared to feel some regret for raping her.
    “I’m not proud of