Nobody's Fool

pointed out. “Okay, if it wasn’t the pills, why’d you coldcock this policeman?”
    In truth, the answer to that was so complicated that Sully despaired of ever understanding it himself, much less of being able to explain it to an impatient, sick judge. “I don’t know,” he heard himself say. “I was tired, I guess. It’d been a long day.”
    Judge Flatt paused, and Sully wondered if he was expected to go on. When he didn’t, the judge said, “Okay, Mr. Sullivan,” and turned back to Satch Henry and Ollie Quinn. “I can understand tired. I’m tired myself. Sick and tired. That’s why I’m retiring next month. Because I’m sick and tired and unfit for human companionship. Half the time I feel like shootingsomebody myself, which means it’s time for me to step down and leave small-town justice to somebody else, and may God have mercy on his soul. Anyhow, I’m going to make a prediction and then a recommendation and then I’m going to leave it to you to decide what you want to do, Satch. If you insist on going to trial, go, but you’ll go before me, and I’ll tell you right now that you’ll wish you hadn’t.”
    â€œYour Honor—” Satch Henry began.
    â€œPipe down, Satch, I got the floor here.”
    Satch Henry piped down.
    â€œHere’s what we got,” Barton Flatt said. “We got Mr. Sullivan here, who did a dumb thing and did it in front of witnesses. There’s a good chance you could get a conviction, Satch. But Lord love a duck, what a show Mr. Wirfly here could put on. If Mr. Sullivan’s got a history of pugilism, your officer here’s got a history of his own. Just in the last six months he’s terrorized an old woman over a pizza and let a lunatic with a deer rifle shoot out windows on Main Street, assault a young woman and then walk away from the scene. On that occasion he saw fit to leave his weapon in his holster, but later, with Mr. Sullivan here, he not only takes out his firearm, he actually discharges it and the bullet hits a house a block away. You claim Mr. Sullivan here is a menace, but Mr. Wirfly here’s going to prove there’s two menaces at least. Before this is done, you’re going to look like God’s own fool, Satch, and Ollie’s going to look like a fool, and your police officer, who
is
a fool, is going to look like one too. And unless Mr. Wirfly’s a fool, he’s going to file a countersuit against the police department and city that will make headlines for months in the Schuyler paper, maybe even Albany, not that it will matter to you, Satch, because you’ll be out of office come next November. Don’t set this thing in motion, that’s my recommendation. Settle it here and now and in this room, not that one out there.”
    â€œYour Honor—” Satch Henry tried again, the judge’s voice having fallen.
    â€œNope,” the judge shook his head, holding up one hand. “I still got the floor. It’s still mine. And you’re going to listen another minute yet. I’ve told you what’s going to happen, and now I’m going to tell you how to avoid it. I’ve got a half-dozen sensible recommendations, and the first is that we now send Mr. Sullivan and Officer Raymer out, because I don’t think their presence is necessary from this point forward. In fact, Mr. Sullivan’s pacing is getting to me too, and I’ve never much liked the look of policemen in sunglasses.” He turned now to Sully and Officer Raymer,looking back and forth between them dubiously. “If we ask you to step outside, gentlemen, do you think you’d be capable of refraining from further hostilities? I want you to be honest about this, because I can provide you a chaperon if you have any doubts.”
    â€œI think I can guarantee my client’s behavior,” Wirf said, shooting Sully a warning glance.
    The judge regarded Wirf as he might a naughty child. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Mr. Wirfly. I know you and I know your client, and I know you can guarantee no such thing.”
    Wirf, chastened, conceded that this was true.
    â€œHow about it, Mr. Sullivan?” the judge wanted to know. “You aren’t feeling tired, are you? like you were when you thought it might be a good idea to sucker-punch a police officer? You think you can behave like an adult for about ten