Northern Lights

something by his death? Who wore this?" he added, patting his pocket. "Who considered himself a badass back then, and could leave town for a couple of weeks without anyone commenting?"
    "You're letting me back in?"
    "Yeah. Let's go tell Ginny the coast is clear."
     
     
    IT WAS A TOSS-UP who was more surprised when Meg swung by to pick up her dogs. She herself or Charlene, who was caught red-handed feeding the dogs table scraps.
    "Didn't see why it should go to waste. These dogs hate being penned up."
    "It's just until Bull's fully healed."
    They stood there, awkwardly, while the dogs ate.
    "Do you know what got at him?" Charlene asked after a moment.
    "Bear."
    "Well, God. He's lucky he only got a few scrapes." Charlene crouched and made kissing noises at Bull. "Poor baby."
    "I always forget you like dogs. You never keep one."
    "I've got enough to look after around here." She glanced over, and Meg's ring caught the sun and shot light. "I heard about that, too."
    She gripped Meg's hand, pulling it up under her nose as she rose.
    "Joanna at the clinic got a load of it, told Rose and Rose told me. Seems I might have heard about it from you. He really stepped up to the plate, didn't he?"
    "Lucky me."
    "Yeah, lucky you." Charlene let Meg's hand go. She started to walk away, stopped. "Lucky him, too."
    Meg said nothing for a moment. "I'm waiting for the shot."
    "No shot. You look good together, better together than you look otherwise. If you're going to go and marry somebody, it might as well be somebody you look good with."
    "How about somebody who makes me happy."
    "That's what I mean."
    "Okay. Okay," Meg repeated.
    "Um. Maybe I could give you a party. Like an engagement party."
    Meg dipped her hands into the pockets of her jean jacket. "We're not going to wait very long. Doesn't seem like we'd need a party when we'll only be engaged about a month."
    "Well. Whatever."
    "Charlene," Meg said before she could leave. "Maybe you could help with the wedding thing." She watched pleasure, and surprise, run over Charlene's face. "I don't want fancy, just something out at the house, but I want a party with it. A big one. You're good at putting those things together."
    "I could do that. Even if you don't want fancy, you need good food, lots of liquor. And it should be pretty. Flowers and decorations. We could talk about it."
    "All right."
    "There's . . . there's something I have to do now. Maybe we could talk about it tomorrow."
    "Tomorrow's good. Maybe since they've just eaten, I could leave the dogs here a little while, pick up some supplies and things."
    "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
    Charlene went in quickly before she could change her mind. She went straight up to John's room, knocked.
    "It's open."
    He sat at his cramped, little desk but stood when she came in. "Charlene. Sorry, I'm grading papers. I really need to get this done."
    "Don't go." She leaned back against the door. "Please don't go."
    "I can't stay, so I have to go. I've turned in my resignation. I'm helping Hopp find a replacement for me."
    "There's no replacement for you, John, whatever you think about . . . about the other men. I've been bad to you. I knew you loved me, but I didn't let myself care. I liked knowing there was somebody who was there, whenever I needed him, but I didn't let myself care."
    "I know. I know that all too well, Charlene. I've finally got the belly to deal with it."
    "Please let me say this." Eyes pleading, she crossed her hands over her breasts. "I'm scared, and I've got to get it out before I run out of courage. I liked having men want me, seeing that look in their eyes. I liked taking them to bed, especially the young ones. So I could believe, in the dark, when their hands are on me in the dark, I haven't seen forty yet."
    She touched her face now. "I hate getting older, John, seeing new lines in the mirror every day. As long as men want me, I can pretend the lines aren't there. I've been scared and angry a long time, and I'm tired."
    She took a step forward. "Please don't go, John. Please don't leave me. You're the only one since Pat I could rest with, feel quiet with. I don't know if I love you, but I want to. If you stay, I'll try."
    "I'm not Karl Hidel, Charlene. And I can't settle anymore. I can't sit in here with a book for comfort when you've taken someone else to bed."
    "There won't be anyone else. There won't be other men, I swear. If you'll just stay and give me a chance. I don't know if I love you," she said again, "but