Once More With Footnotes

Tony ... can't quite remember). Explain that if she changes his name to Swe evil or Chalcedony she might be in with a chance.
     
                  Off to airport for flight to Vulcana ...
     
                  Signing tour hotels are like a box of chocolates — you never know whether you're going to get the nasty hard one that someone else has already sucked. Sometimes yo u get one lit by forty-watt lightbulbs, sometimes you get a suite where you have to phone reception in the end to find out where the bed is. I'm in luck tonight — this one's got a bath so big you can lie down in it, completely flat.
     
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    Day 8
     
                  Media in the morning, then on to University for big talk in their lecture theatre, organised by the librarian, who is a fan. Make ape-like gestures behind his back while he's doing the introduction, then give him a "Librarians Rule Ook" badge. Sign for queue afterward s , and get hit by a drive-by manuscript dumper. That is, when it's over there's this unexpected brown envelope on the desk, with a note asking me to read it and send my comments to the author. Sigh.
     
                  4:00 p.m.: Small Yet Lovely Specialist Bookshop. The own er knows her stuff, so it's always a pleasure to sign here. Long friendly queue, and there's a bowl of black jellybeans on the signing table; it is impossible to eat only one black jellybean. One lady had travelled more than fourteen hours on a train to g e t to this signing. Sent her a poster when I got home.
     
                  Rush off to airport for flight to Bugarup. Dinner on the plane is Chicken Congeale. No worries. Well, perhaps one or two.
     
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    Day 9
     
                  Breakfast with a journo, who's really a fan in disguise who has co me up with a good way of not having to wait in a queue, some down-the-line interviews, and on to:
     
                  Book signing, Bigmallsomewherea.
     
                  They've really tried, but somewhere someone came up with the idea that fantasy = horror = coffins, and obtained an actual coffin, on wheels, for use as a signing table. This raises a few problems. One of them, of course, is of good taste, but more practical is the fact that coffins are made for lying in or kneeling by, not sitting at, and since this one is on casters it gen t ly slides away as I sign until it's at arm's length. In the end we settle for a dull but practical table and they save the coffin for Anne Rice, who knows how to do this stuff.
     
                  On to:
     
                  Another Big Specialist Bookshop, Citycenta.
     
                  Nice place, this. Been there on every tour. Despite this, loads of people with lots of backlist. And a banana dakry. Oh, and a Goth. Fourecks seems to have a thriving Goth culture, if "thriving" is the right word. I think Goths are fun. It's not a proper signing queue unless y o u get at least one Goth. In Worralorrasurfa they've got surf Goths.
     
                  Back to the hotel where, hooray, I have a suite with extensive views of the curvature of the earth.
     
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    Day 10
     
                  So's I don't get bored on my day off, there's a set of proofs been sent h ere from the UK. Read them and make three pages of corrections. Plan is that, since hotel has got a Business Centre, I can use one of their printers and then fax the pages back.
     
                  ... except that today the person who knows how their setup works is away. Sp end an engrossing hour until I find out that their printer switch box is wired back to front. Oh, and the default printer on the network is not, in fact, the one next to this machine. I find this out when someone rings down and says, "There's some rather o dd stuff coming out of the Laserjet in the manager's office. Who is Captain Vimes, mate?"
     
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    Day 11
     
                  Fly to Purdeigh Island.
     
                  Noon: Busy signing at general bookshop; foreign authors don't often come here, so everyone's got everything. And down the lengt h of the island to:
     
                  Evening talk/signing organised by local bookshop in the Country Comfort Hotel. What a lovely name for a hotel. And then a real early night because:
     
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    Day 12
     
                  Up at 4:30 a.m. for flight to Crowtown. Aargh! There'd