Pow!

meat-eating contests.’ My father calmly stood his ground. ‘No,’ he said, ‘I can't allow it. You have no idea how it felt.’ My mother's anxieties arose out of a different concern: ‘Xiaotong,’ she said, ‘you're a growing boy, and your stomach is no match for those young men. It wouldn't be a fair fight.’ ‘Well, since your parents don't want you to do it,’ Lao Lan said, ‘then forget it. I couldn't bear it if something happened.’ But I refused to back down. ‘You don't understand me, none of you. I have a special relationship with meat and a special ability to process it in my digestive system.’ ‘I agree,’ Lao Lan said, ‘you're a meat-boy but it's too risky. You need to realize that you're our hope for the future. We're counting on you to implement many innovations for United.’ ‘Dieh, Niang, Uncle Lan,’ I said, ‘I know what I'm doing, you don't have to worry. First, take my word for it, they can't win. Second, I'm not about to gamble with my health. Actually, I'm worried about them and suggest that we get them to sign waivers so we're not responsible for any consequences.’ ‘That's something we can do if you insist on going through with this contest,’ Lao Lan said, ‘but I want a guarantee that you'll be in no danger.’ ‘I can't say this about everything,’ I said reassuringly, ‘but I have absolute confidence in my digestive system. Do you have any idea how much meat I put away every morning in the plant kitchen? Go ask Huang Biao.’ Lao Lan turned to my parents: ‘Lao Luo, Yang Yuzhen, why don't we let him go ahead? My worthy nephew's capacity for meat is the stuff of legend, and we know that his reputation is based on eating and not boasting. We can take the precaution of having a doctor sent over from the hospital to deal with any emergency.’ ‘Not for my sake,’ I said, ‘but it's a good idea to have one on hand for the safety of my rivals.’ ‘Xiaotong,’ my father said sternly, ‘in the eyes of your mother and me you're no longer a child, so you're responsible for your actions.’ ‘Dieh,’ I said with a laugh, ‘what are you so worried about? What are we talking about here?—a meal. I eat every day—I'll just eat a little more for the contest. And I may not even have to. If they throw in the towel early, it's possible I'll end up eating less than usual.’

    My father was hoping that the contest would be a low-key event but Lao Lan said: ‘If we go ahead with this, then it has to be a public affair. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.’ Needless to say, I was hoping for a larger audience and not just the workers in the plant. Ideally, we'd put up posters or blare it over PA systems to attract people from the train station, from the county and township and other villages. The bigger the crowd the greater the people's emotional involvement. What I really wanted was to establish my authority at the plant and make a name for myself in the world. I wanted to win over all those people who had doubts about me, and then have them admit that Luo Xiaotong's reputation was not undeserved but earned one bite at a time. And I wanted to show my three rivals that they had thrown the gauntlet down in front of the wrong person. They had to realize that while meat is good to eat it's hard to digest. If you aren't equipped with a digestive system specially designed for it, your troubles begin with your very first swallow.

    I knew they were in trouble even before the contest began, and that their punishment would be doled out not by Lao Lan, not by my parents and not by me, but by the meat they sent into their stomachs. People in Slaughterhouse Village like to say that a person has been ‘bitten’ by meat. That means not that meat can grow teeth, but that a steady diet of it is bad for your stomach and intestines. I was sure that my rivals were going to be badly ‘bitten’ soon. I know you're strutting about looking forward to a real treat. But before long you'll wish that tears were the worst you'd suffer. No doubt they feel like kings at the moment, waiting to be celebrities at the end of the contest. Even if they lose, at least they'll have a stomach full of free meat. I knew that many among the audience would have the same idea; some would even be a bit envious and kick themselves for missing out on a great opportunity. Just wait, my friends, you'll soon stop kicking and start congratulating yourselves. For you are about to see what a spectacle these three