Psy & Changelings 10 - Kiss of Snow

she understood. “For the memories we’ll make.” Her throat grew thick, and though she knew there was a chance his answer would break her heart, she had to ask the question she hadn’t dared to until this moment. “How did we mate?” Had the events on the battlefield pushed him into it? Did he regret it? She couldn’t speak those fears aloud, but they lived in her heart, bleak and painful.
     
     
    HAWKE glanced up at Sienna and knew that he held the balance of power, that what he said next would affect the remainder of their life together in the most profound of ways. He could answer her question without giving anything away, without tilting that balance. Or he could make another choice, one that took them beyond lovers, beyond mates, and to a true alpha pair.
    “You were right,” he said and saw a storm of emotion in those extraordinary cardinal eyes.
    It would’ve been easy for her to smile, to accept the admission at face value, but that wasn’t who Sienna was. “About what?” she asked, watching him with an expression that had turned a little guarded.
    His wolf wasn’t surprised. Sienna had her own scars, and it would take time for those to fade. Hawke was okay with that—because he was planning to be there for the long haul, ready to battle any nightmare that dared touch her. “About the mating bond.” Rising up into a sitting position, he braced one elbow over a drawn up knee. “It wasn’t the wolf holding me back.
    “When Rissa died,” he said, giving Sienna this last secret corner of his heart, “it was like having a part of me ripped out. I didn’t speak for a month, didn’t do anything but sit by her grave.” Boy and wolf, they’d both kept hoping that if he wished hard enough, Rissa would come back. “It took me a long time to accept that she was gone, that the only thing I had of her was the hole she’d left inside me.”
    Sienna moved close enough to curve her hand around the calf of the leg he’d raised, her eyes inky black. But she didn’t interrupt, this woman who understood him in ways he wasn’t sure he understood himself, who’d forced him to face the cold, hard truth of the lies he’d told himself over the years. That didn’t make it any simpler to rip the scab off this wound—hell, he was alpha for a reason. Vulnerability wasn’t a sensation he enjoyed.
    It made his next words rough, almost harsh. “It was easier to believe that my shot at mating died with Rissa than to risk that kind of pain again.” Thrusting his hand into her hair, he shook his head. “Except I never had a prayer when it came to you. You’re in my every breath and every thought, intertwined so deep inside me that love’s not a strong enough word—you have my devotion, your name branded on my soul, my wolf yours to command. A hundred years? It’ll never be enough. I want eternity.”
    Tears, slow and quiet, ran down Sienna’s cheeks.
    He wasn’t finished. “You have the power to tear me to pieces, to wound me so deep and true that I’ll never recover. What Rissa’s death did to the boy I was? You have the ability to do a thousand times worse to the man I’ve become. Some part of me knew that was a possibility from the instant you walked into my life—so I tried to keep you at arm’s length even as I demanded everything you had. I was a coward.”
    “Hawke, no.” On her knees in front of him, she shook her head in open distress, wiping away her tears with the backs of her hands. “I should’ve never said that.”
    “You called me on my bullshit,” he said, raising his other knee and bringing her in between. “Made me mad as fucking hell, and it’ll probably do the same in the future when you do it again. Fair warning.”
    Her lips lifting up at the corners in a shaky smile, she twined her arms around his neck. “You mean you’re not going to become tame and well-behaved now that we’re mated?” Tiny kisses on the corners of his lips, on his cheeks, on his jaw. “Damn.”
    Leaning into the affection, he allowed her to soothe the sharp edges within. “I can pretend if you want.” He petted the sweet curve of her behind, naked beneath the tails of the shirt she’d commandeered.
    A husky laugh. “I wouldn’t know you.” Her next words were solemn, her expression intent. “I know we had an agreement about no alpha stuff between us while we were courting. But that’s going to change. I accept my rank, and I’ll continue to take orders from those who are more