Public Secrets

kind of hell to outlive your own child.”
“When you do, you know nothing that happens to you will ever be as painful. We had him for two years, Bri. That’s what I like to remember. You were a wonderful father.” She reached out for him, took his hands. When his fingers tightened on hers, she held on. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t share that pain with you the way I shared the joy. I was selfish with it, as if holding it to myself would make it only mine. But it’s ours, the way he was ours.”
He said nothing. Tears were clogging his throat. Understanding, she turned to him. Holding each other, they sat in silence as the sun rose higher and dried the dew on the tall grass.
“I should never have left you,” he murmured.
“We left each other.”
“Why?” He tightened his grip. “Why?”
“I’ve thought about it so many times. I think we couldn’t bear to be happy. That we felt, or I did, that if we could be happy after he was gone, it would be like dishonoring him. It was wrong.”
“Bev.” He turned his face into her hair. “Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

“No,” she said quietly. “I won’t.”
They walked, hands linked, back to the farmhouse. The sun shone bright through the windows as they went upstairs. They undressed each other, stopping only for long, quiet kisses, gentle caresses.
He wasn’t the young man who had once loved her. Nor was she the same woman. They were more patient now. They didn’t tumble onto the bed, but lowered slowly, knowing each moment was precious when so many had been lost.
And yet, though they had changed, their bodies moved easily together. When she reached for him the years seemed to vanish. With his mouth pressed against her throat, he drew in the familiar scent, the familiar taste.
Even as passion built, they glided along its edges, unwilling to be ruled by it as they once had been. Her lips curved as she ran a hand through his hair. As her body heated she sighed as much in contentment as desire. With her eyes half closed, she let her hands run over him, remembering every angle, every plane of his body. Passion, released, flowed into them like a fine wine.
She welcomed him, opening and arching. When they joined, she wept. Bringing his mouth to her, she tasted his tears mixed with her own.
Later, they lay quiet, her head tucked in the curve of his shoulder. She wondered that it should be so easy, and feel so right. It had been nearly twenty years. Half of her life had been spent apart from him. Yet they were here, bodies damp from loving. She could feel his heart thud under the palm of her hand.
“It’s so much like it used to be,” he said, echoing her thoughts. “And yet it’s so different.”
“I didn’t want this to happen. All this time I’ve worked so hard to stay away from you.” She lifted her head, looked in his eyes. “I never wanted to love this much again.”
“It’s only ever been right with you. Don’t ask me to let you go again. I wouldn’t make it this time.”
She brushed his hair, with its first few sprinkles of gray, away from his brow. “I was always afraid that you didn’t really need me, certainly not the way I needed you.”
“You were wrong.”
“Yes, I know I was.” She lowered her head to kiss him. “We’ve wasted a lot of time, Bri. I’d like you to come home.”

They stayed the night there, in the old bed, talking, making love. It was late when the phone rang. Brian answered it only because there was no other way to end the interruption.
“Hello.”
“Brian McAvoy?”
“Yes, speaking.”
“This is Michael Kesselring. I’ve been trying to track you down.”
“Kesselring.” He regretted saying the name the moment Bev stiffened beside him. “What is it?”
“It’s Emma.”
“Emma?” He sat up quickly, mouth dry as dust. Bev’s hand was on his shoulder, squeezing. “Has something happened to her?”
Michael knew from experience it was best to say it all quickly, but he had a difficult time forming the words. “She’s in the hospital, here in L.A. She’s—”
“An accident? Has she had an accident?”
“No, she was beaten pretty badly. I’ll explain when you get here.”
“Beaten? Emma’s been beaten? I don’t understand.”
“The doctors are working on her. They tell me she’s going to be okay, but she’s going to need you.”
“We’ll be there as soon as we can.”
Bev was already up and pulling on her clothes. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. She’s in the hospital in