Red Phoenix

the time. Grief is a luxury that often we cannot afford.’
    ‘—And now I’m just sitting here joking about how neatly Wong took off her head!’ I cried, distraught. ‘What the hell is wrong with me?’ I put my head on my arms again, my heart full of misery. There was something terribly wrong with me. Was I even human? ‘It’s like I’m some sort of dark heartless monster.’
    ‘I am exactly the same way and you do not question me.’ I looked up desperately. He gazed into my eyes. ‘I have been as cold-blooded about this as you have. And yet you all still love me.’
    ‘You have more than one good excuse,’ I whispered.
    ‘Wake up, stone.’ John tapped the stone on my finger without touching me.
    ‘Yes, Turtle?’
    ‘Is Lady Emma a dark heartless monster?’
    ‘Yes she is,’ the stone said without hesitation and with absolutely no emotion whatsoever.
    John jerked back. That was obviously not the answer he was expecting. He glanced sharply at me.
    ‘I knew it.’ I closed my eyes with anguish. We remained like that for a while. I had a few options, none of them very pleasant, but at least I knew the truth.
    ‘I have looked inside her and she is an ordinary human being. You said yourself she is an ordinary human being,’ John said.
    ‘She is,’ the stone said.
    ‘Will she ever hurt any member of her family?’ John said with a slight edge of despair.
    ‘I think you have asked me that before, Turtle, and the answer is still no. Of course not. She loves you more than her life. Look at her; right now she is pondering whether you would be safe if she were to leave forever.She thinks that’s not good enough, and wants to kill herself to be absolutely sure that none of you are in any danger. You really should talk to somebody about this death wish, Emma. The Dark Lord is quite correct.’
    ‘But I’m a dark heartless monster, stone,’ I said.
    ‘My Lady, of course you are. But so is he ,’ the stone said. ‘You are a perfect match. Dark and heartless together.’
    Both of us sat back with relief. He was a dark heartless monster. And the Tiger was a white heartless monster.
    ‘We’re all monsters together,’ John said with amusement.
    ‘I think what the stone is trying to say,’ I said, ‘is that I’ve been around you far too much, Xuan Wu, and some of your monstrosity is rubbing off on me.’
    ‘No, Emma, it is quite the other way around,’ the stone said. ‘You are at least twice as monstrous as he is.’
    That sobered me. I had an awful thought. ‘Am I a demon in human form?’ The stone hesitated again. ‘Answer me!’ I cried, mortified.
    ‘You cannot be, Emma,’ John said. ‘I would know immediately.’
    ‘I could be very well hidden, and you’re very drained.’
    ‘What you are is beside the point,’ the stone said. ‘You are what you are. You are devoted to your Lord and your family and would give your life for them. That is what is important.’
    ‘The stone is right, Emma.’
    ‘What am I, stone?’ I said, miserable. I was thoroughly tired of its games.
    ‘You are a perfectly ordinary human being, Emma.’ ‘But I’m a dark heartless monster.’
    ‘That is quite correct. Your true nature will probably emerge over time. The Dark Lord, as I said, will be astonished. You are well on the way to Immortality. Live. Love. Continue your duties. And please leave me alone. I was in the middle of a lovely dream, I dreamed I was a mountain.’
    ‘Go back to sleep, stone,’ John said with quiet tolerance. ‘You are quite useless.’
    ‘That is why I was never used.’
    ‘You are not a demon, Emma. I would know immediately,’ John said. ‘Don’t be concerned. You are not a danger to anybody. It will be fascinating to see how you grow. Trust the stone, it is very ancient and wise. It is even older than me. We all love you, and you love us. That’s what’s important.’
    ‘I wish I could believe you, John. I hate to think that I’m a danger to anybody.’
    ‘You will be Regent, Lady Emma, and you will do a wonderful job. And you will be here when I return, and I will Raise you and marry you. We will be happy together on my Mountain. I promise you.’ He ducked his head to see into my eyes and smiled.
    ‘I only hope I’m worthy,’ I whispered.
    ‘Would it make you feel better if Kwan Yin looked at you when we’re in Paris? She could examine you and clarify for us. Would you like that?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Come on, Emma, snap out of it. We have a lot to do.