Redwood Bend
papers. “Oh, man, this might be a little more complicated than I thought. I’ll explain after I talk to Katie. You and the boys go up to the loft and stay busy for a while. Play video games and chow down.”
Then she went to the bathroom. She knocked before she said, “I’m coming in.” And in she went.
Katie was mostly concealed by bubbles. Her hair was piled on her head, her body submerged, her eyes red and swollen, and when she saw Leslie, a new flood of tears escaped. She tried to catch them with the washcloth.
Leslie sat on the closed toilet lid. Though she wanted to cry with her, she forced herself to be cool. Both of them blubbering away wouldn’t help now. “What happened, Katie?”
“Nothing,” she said. “Nothing at all…”
“And yet…?”
“He left, as he said he had to do—he has to earn money somehow. He said he didn’t know when he’d see me again, that movies are a lot of work. I can’t compete with Hollywood. Why would I try?”
“Are we crying over that? Hollywood?”
“Or a picture in a tabloid of him kissing some woman’s neck?” Katie asked with a hiccup of emotion. “He called. He misses me, he says. By the picture I saw in one of those icky gossip papers, he doesn’t miss me that much.” She took a breath and gave her face a little scrub with the cloth. “Les, we didn’t have any kind of agreement that after me, there would never be another woman. He admits he’s that way. He wasn’t callous about it. In fact, he was almost self-effacing. He called himself a bad bet—he said I’d be better off.”
“Are you?” Leslie asked.
“I will be. I’m draining it out right now. The emotion…the disappointment…”
“Katie…”
“He might have left out a few details, but he never lied to me. There were things he didn’t tell me, but then there were a couple of things I didn’t tell him. In fact, one major thing.”
Leslie reached toward the tub and captured one escaping curl of Katie’s hair and tucked it behind her ear. “What, honey? What didn’t you tell him?”
“Oh,” she said, a fresh crop of tears rolling soundlessly down her cheeks. “That even though I didn’t want to and didn’t plan to, I fell a little bit in love with him. I knew better. I knew it wasn’t going to last. Because he didn’t want it to…”
“Sweetheart…”
“If my heart hurts right now, whose fault is that? Not his.”
“I could find ways to blame him.”
“No,” she said, “it’s not his fault. I made the classic female mistake. When I realized how good we were together, I thought his agenda would change. I thought being with me would change him. And I wasn’t kidding myself about how good we were. I was just kidding myself about the agenda.”
“There are so many things a man can do to ease the pain and disappointment.”
“Like promise to call?” Katie asked with an empty laugh. “Well, he did, and he was sweet, but it didn’t help. Or maybe he should swear he’ll be back when he won’t? Like give hope where there is clearly none? He’s right about one thing—once I get beyond this, I’ll be better off. Because I need a lot more in a man than someone who has no faith in his own ability to stick around. Loser,” she added, wiping a tear away.
“Um…why are you in the tub?” Leslie asked.
“The boys. They’re all rough and tumble and bad unless I cry, something I almost never do. It really bothers them if they see me cry. They’re such typical little men. They want to make it better.”
Leslie laughed. “I’ve given Conner a couple of test cries, usually associated with ovulation, and you’re right—men can’t just listen and comfort. They need it resolved in five minutes. You’re getting kind of pruny. Do you have a lot more crying to do?”
“I might, yeah. But maybe not for right now.”
“Katie? Has there been anyone since Charlie? I mean besides that dentist back in Vermont…”
“No,” she said, shaking her head and unplugging the tub drain with her toe. She reached for the towel and Leslie passed it. “I was considering the dentist because there wasn’t much chance he was going to make me cry like this. You have to have a real emotional investment in a man to cry your heart out when he dumps you or…or deploys. The dentist did make me cry for Charlie, though. The blandness of my relationship with the dentist made me long for the commitment and passion Charlie always had for me. I mean, Charlie definitely had his character
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