Right Ho, Jeeves

conked. I saw all. As I dare say you know, Jeeves’s reputation as a counsellor has long been established among the cognoscenti, and the first move of any of my little circle on discovering themselves in any form of soup is always to roll round and put the thing up to him. And when he’s got A out of a bad spot, A puts B on to him. And then, when he has fixed up B, B sends C along. And so on, if you get my drift, and so forth.
    That’s how these big consulting practices like Jeeves’s grow. Old Sippy, I knew, had been deeply impressed by the man’s efforts on his behalf at the time when he was trying to get engaged to Elizabeth Moon, so it was not to be wondered at that he should have advised Gussie to apply. Pure routine, you might say.
    “Oh, you’re acting for him, are you?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Now I follow. Now I understand. And what is Gussie’s trouble?”
    “Oddly enough, sir, precisely the same as that of Mr. Sipperley when I was enabled to be of assistance to him. No doubt you recall Mr. Sipperley’s predicament, sir. Deeply attached to Miss Moon, he suffered from a rooted diffidence which made it impossible for him to speak.”
    I nodded.
    “I remember. Yes, I recall the Sipperley case. He couldn’t bring himself to the scratch. A marked coldness of the feet, was there not? I recollect you saying he was letting—what was it?—letting something do something. Cats entered into it, if I am not mistaken.”
    “Letting ‘I dare not’ wait upon ‘I would’, sir.”
    “That’s right. But how about the cats?”
    “Like the poor cat i’ the adage, sir.”
    “Exactly. It beats me how you think up these things. And Gussie, you say, is in the same posish?”
    “Yes, sir. Each time he endeavours to formulate a proposal of marriage, his courage fails him.”
    “And yet, if he wants this female to be his wife, he’s got to say so, what? I mean, only civil to mention it.”
    “Precisely, sir.”
    I mused.
    “Well, I suppose this was inevitable, Jeeves. I wouldn’t have thought that this Fink-Nottle would ever have fallen a victim to the divine _p_, but, if he has, no wonder he finds the going sticky.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Look at the life he’s led.”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “I don’t suppose he has spoken to a girl for years. What a lesson this is to us, Jeeves, not to shut ourselves up in country houses and stare into glass tanks. You can’t be the dominant male if you do that sort of thing. In this life, you can choose between two courses. You can either shut yourself up in a country house and stare into tanks, or you can be a dasher with the sex. You can’t do both.”
    “No, sir.”
    I mused once more. Gussie and I, as I say, had rather lost touch, but all the same I was exercised about the poor fish, as I am about all my pals, close or distant, who find themselves treading upon Life’s banana skins. It seemed to me that he was up against it.
    I threw my mind back to the last time I had seen him. About two years ago, it had been. I had looked in at his place while on a motor trip, and he had put me right off my feed by bringing a couple of green things with legs to the luncheon table, crooning over them like a young mother and eventually losing one of them in the salad. That picture, rising before my eyes, didn’t give me much confidence in the unfortunate goof’s ability to woo and win, I must say. Especially if the girl he had earmarked was one of these tough modern thugs, all lipstick and cool, hard, sardonic eyes, as she probably was.
    “Tell me, Jeeves,” I said, wishing to know the worst, “what sort of a girl is this girl of Gussie’s?”
    “I have not met the young lady, sir. Mr. Fink-Nottle speaks highly of her attractions.”
    “Seemed to like her, did he?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Did he mention her name? Perhaps I know her.”
    “She is a Miss Bassett, sir. Miss Madeline Bassett.”
    “What?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    I was deeply intrigued.
    “Egad, Jeeves! Fancy that. It’s a small world, isn’t it, what?”
    “The young lady is an acquaintance of yours, sir?”
    “I know her well. Your news has relieved my mind, Jeeves. It makes the whole thing begin to seem far more like a practical working proposition.”
    “Indeed, sir?”
    “Absolutely. I confess that until you supplied this information I was feeling profoundly dubious about poor old Gussie’s chances of inducing any spinster of any parish to join him in the saunter down the aisle. You will agree with