Roadside Crosses

coming out of mourning, Lily, recovering from a tough divorce. They’d met through friends and had started dating. Wary at first, they’d realized almost simultaneously how starved for intimacy and affection they were. Hawken, a man who hadn’t believed that he would ever get married again, proposed after six months—on the gritty rooftop beach bar of the W hotel in downtown San Diego, because he couldn’t wait to plot out a more suitable setting.
    Lily, though, had described the event as the most romantic thing she could think of. The large diamond ring on a white ribbon slipped over the neck of her Anchor Steam bottle helped.
    And here they were starting a new life back in Monterey.
    Donald Hawken assessed his situation and decided that he was happy. Boyishly happy. Friends had told him that a second marriage after losing a spouse was different. As a widower he would have changed fundamentally. He wouldn’t be capable of that adolescent feeling permeating every cell of his being. There’d be companionship, there’d be moments of passion. Butthe relationship would essentially be a friendship.
    Wrong.
    It was adolescent and more.
    He’d had an intense, consuming marriage to Sarah, who was sultry and beautiful and a woman one could be intensely in love with, as Hawken had been.
    But his love for Lily was just as strong.
    And, okay, he’d finally gotten to the point where he could admit that the sex was better with Lily—in the sense that it was far more comfortable. In bed Sarah had been, well, formidable, to put it mildly. (Hawken now nearly smiled at some memories.)
    He wondered how Lily would feel about Jim and Pat Chilton. Hawken had told her how they’d been such close friends, the couples getting together frequently. Attending their kids’ school and sports events, parties, barbecues . . . He’d noticed Lily’s smile shift slightly when he’d told her about this past. But he’d reassured her that, in a way, Jim Chilton was a stranger to him too. Hawken had been so depressed after Sarah’s death that he’d lost contact with nearly all his friends.
    But now he was returning to life. He and Lily would finish getting the house ready and then collect the children, who were staying with their grandparents in Encinitas. And his life would settle back into the pleasant routine on the Peninsula he remembered from years before. He’d reconnect with his best friend, Jim Chilton, rejoin the country club, see all his friends again.
    Yes, this was the right move. But a cloud had appeared. Small, temporary, he was sure, but a blemish nonetheless.
    By coming to the place that had been his and Sarah’s home, it was as if he’d resurrected a part of her. The memories popped like fireworks:
    Here in Monterey, Sarah being the thoughtful hostess, the passionate art collector, the shrewd businesswoman.
    Here, Sarah being the sultry, energetic and consuming lover.
    Here, Sarah intrepidly donning a wetsuit and swimming in the harsh ocean, climbing out, chilled and exhilarated—unlike her last swim, near La Jolla, not climbing out of the water at all, but wafting into the shore, limp, eyes open and unseeing, her skin matching the water temperature degree for degree.
    At this thought, Hawken’s heart now added an extra beat or two.
    Then he took several deep breaths and slipped the memories away. “Want a hand?” He glanced at Lily and the drapes.
    His wife paused, then set down her work. She approached, took his hand and put it on the V of skin below her throat. She kissed him hard.
    They smiled at each other, and his wife returned to the windows.
    Hawken finished the glass-and-chrome table and dragged it in front of the couch.
    “Honey?” The tape measure was drooping in Lily’s hand and she was looking out the back window.
    “What?”
    “I think somebody’s out there.”
    “Where, in the backyard?”
    “I don’t know if it’s our property. It’s on the other side of the hedge.”
    “Then it’s definitely somebody else’s yard.”
    Your dollar doesn’t buy you much dirt here on the Central Coast of California.
    “He’s just standing there, looking at the house.”
    “Probably wondering if a rock-and-roll band or druggies are moving in.”
    She climbed down a step. “Just standing there,” she repeated. “I don’t know, honey, it’s a little spooky.”
    Hawken walked to the window and looked out. From this perspective he couldn’t see much, but it was clear that a figure was peering