Science of Discworld III

things.
    The Chair of Indefinite Studies looked up from the thaumometer in his hand.
    ‘No magic disturbance, no nothing,’ he said, looking around at the marshes. ‘Is Hex sure? The only strange thing here is us.’
    ‘Let’s get started, shall we?’ said Ridcully. ‘Where to next?’
    ‘Hex, move us to London, will you?’ said Ponder. ‘Location 7.’
    The wizards didn’t apparently move, but the landscape around them wavered and changed.
    It became an alleyway. There were a lot of street noises nearby.
    ‘I’m sure you all read the briefing I prepared this morning.’ said Ponder, brightly.
    ‘Are you also sure we’ve not back in Ankh-Morpork?’ said Ridcully loudly. ‘I’d swear I can smell the river!’
    ‘Ah, then perhaps I’d better just remind you of the important points,’ said Ponder wearily. ‘The list of major things that might impede Darwin’s progress—’
    ‘I remember about the giant squid,’ Rincewind volunteered.
    ‘Hex can handle the giant squid,’ said Ponder.
    ‘Oh, shame. I was looking forward to that,’ said Ridcully.
    ‘No, sir,’ said Ponder, as patiently as possible. ‘ We have to deal with people. Remember? We agreed last time it’s not ethical to leave that to Hex. Remember the rain of fat women?’ 2
    ‘That never actually happened ,’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes, wistfully.
    ‘Quite so,’ said Ridcully, firmly. ‘And just as well. Lead on, Mr Stibbons.’
    ‘So much to do, so much to do,’ muttered Ponder, leafing through the paperwork. ‘I suppose we’d better do things in order … so first, we must see that Mr Habbakuk Souser’s cook throws away the fish.’
    It was a scullery boy who opened the back door, in a street of quite prosperous-looking houses. Ponder Stibbons raised his very tall hat.
    ‘We wish to see –’ he consulted the clipboard ‘– Mrs Boddy,’ he said. ‘She is the cook here, I believe? Tell here we are the Committee for Public Sanitation, and the matter is urgent, so look sharp about it!’
    ‘I hope you know what you’re doing, Stibbons,’ hissed Ridcully as the boy scurrièd away.
    ‘Totally, Archchancellor. Hex says the line of causality is – ah, Mrs Boddy?’
    This was to a skinny, worried woman who was advancing on them from the dim interior, wiping her hands on her apron.
    ‘I am, sir,’ said the cook. ‘The boy said you gentlemen was Hygienic?’
    ‘Mrs Boddy, you had some fish delivered this morning?’ said Ponder, sternly.
    ‘Yes sir. Nice piece o’ hake.’ Sudden uncertainty seized her features. ‘Er … that was all right, wasn’t it?’
    ‘Alas it was not, Mrs Boddy!’ said Ponder. ‘We have just come from the fishmonger. All his hake is completely off. We have had many complaints. Some of them were from next of kin, Mrs Boddy!’
    ‘Oh, what shall we do to be saved!’ the cook burst out. ‘I’ve got it cookin’! It smelled all right, sir!’
    ‘Thankfully, then, there is no harm done,’ said Ponder.
    ‘Shall I give it to the cat?’
    ‘Do you like the cat’ said Ponder. ‘No, wrap it in some paper and bring it out to us right now! I’m sure Mr Souser will understand when you give him some of the cold ham from yesterday.’
    ‘Yessir!’ The cook scurried away, and returned shortly with a parcel of very hot, very damp fish. Ponder grabbed it from her and thrust it into Rincewind’s arms.
    ‘Scour the pan thoroughly, Mrs Boddy!’ said Ponder, as Rincewind tried to juggle hake. ‘Gentlemen, we must hurry!’
    He started to walk very fast towards the end of the street, the wizards jogging along behind him, and turned sharply into an alleyway just ahead of a shout of ‘Sir? Sir? How did you know about the cold ham?’
    ‘Location 9, Hex,’ said Ponder. ‘And remove the fish, please!’
    ‘Was all that about?’ said Ridcully. ‘Why did we take that poor woman’s fish?’
    Rincewind said ‘ow!’ as the fish disappeared.
    ‘Mr Souser will travel, er, tomorrow to meet some businessmen,’ said Ponder, as a circle formed on the ground around the wizards. ‘One of them will be a man called Josiah Wedgwood, a famous industrialist. Mr Souser will tell him about his son James, who is currently working with the Navy. It has made a man of him, Mr Souser will say. Mr Wedgwood will listen with interest, and form the opinion that the adventure of a long sea voyage in respectable company may well be of benefit to a young man on the verge of adult life. Atleast, he will