Shame

to the cupboards from which the cups had been taken. Everything felt homey and safe. The aroma of the buns and the sound of the table being set. She had been let out of her room, and that must mean she had fulfilled their expectations, that they had been successful in curing her and now trusted her to rejoin the rest of humanity.
    ‘Maj-Britt, can you come here?’
    She got up at once and went towards the dining room, from which the pastor’s wife had called. She was standing behind a chair at the end of the table, resting her hands on the chair back. It was a beautiful room. A large brown table in the centre of the room with twelve chairs around it and then four more along two of the walls. The third wall was covered by a gigantic china cabinet which matched the rest of the furniture, and by the fourth wall stood Maj-Britt in the doorway to the kitchen.
    ‘You can go and sit down there.’
    She pointed to one of the chairs along the wall. Maj-Britt did as she was told. She wondered why the table was set with such lovely china and whom they were expecting for evening coffee. She almost felt a little thrill of anticipation, it had been so many days since she had seen anyone but the pastor and his wife. And she wondered whether Mamma and Pappa would come. Then she could show them that she had done penance and that their prayers had not been in vain. She could almost feel a hint of pride, nothing big or boastful, but more a slight sense of relief. She had managed to get rid of everything inside that had led her astray. Of course she had received help, but she was the one who had done it. Through her fervent prayers she had finally succeeded in taking control of the thoughts that were constantly slipping beyond the rules she had laid down for herself. God had finally listened and come to her aid. In His grace He had forgiven her and would not let her suffer anymore. Or her parents either, they would also be spared.
    The pastor’s wife went over to the china cabinet and pulled out the drawer beneath the centre door. With her back to Maj-Britt she rummaged around and there were sounds of small things being moved about. Then she turned round with a spool of thread in her hand. A wooden spool with pure white thread on it.
    ‘Now take off your skirt and underwear.’
    Maj-Britt didn’t understand at first what she had said. For a fleeting moment there was still only the smell of freshly baked buns and hopeful trust. But then the terror came sneaking over her. Her clothes didn’t need mending. What was the pastor’s wife going to use the thread for? Maj-Britt inspected her skirt, looking for a seam that had split, but she couldn’t find any.
    ‘Just do as I say and then sit back down on the chair.’
    Her voice was kind and friendly. It didn’t match her words, and Maj-Britt didn’t understand what she meant even though she understood what she said. Then the pastor’s wife raised her arm above her head and pulled out an arm’s length of thread. On the way down she glanced at her watch.
    ‘You’ll have to hurry so I have time to finish setting the table.’
    Maj-Britt couldn’t move. Take off her clothes, here in the pastor’s dining room? She didn’t understand, but she could see that the pastor’s wife was beginning to get impatient and she didn’t want to make her angry. With trembling hands she did as she was told and sat back down on the chair. The shame burned like fire. With her hands in her lap she tried to hide her secret place. Her clothes lay in a heap next to the chair, and it was hard to resist the urge to pick them up and run away.
    The pastor’s wife came over and knelt down by her side. Then she took the thin thread and tied it tight to her right leg; right below her knee she tied it with a simple knot before she tied the other end to the chair leg.
    ‘We’re doing this for your own good, Maj-Britt, so you will understand the seriousness of what you did.’
    She took the pile of clothes and stood up.
    ‘It’s out of love for you that your parents and all of us in the Congregation are trying to help you find your way back to the true path.’
    Maj-Britt was shaking. Her body was trembling with humiliation and fear. He had duped her, He had not forgiven her, only lulled her into false hope, biding His time.
    ‘Out of love, Maj-Britt, even though it might not seem so now, but when you grow up you’ll understand. We only want to teach you how you should have felt when you exposed yourself