Shame

so?”
    “Listen to the tape. It explains things. In his own way, your father tried to be responsible. I think he was trying to spare you and your mother.”
    “That’s bullshit. The man never thought about anybody but himself.”
    “Maybe. Maybe not. You ever hear that old Johnny Cash song ‘A Boy Named Sue’?”
    Caleb shook his head.
    “It’s about a father who only stayed around long enough to name his boy Sue before leaving home forever. Because of his name, the boy had a terrible time growing up. With a name like that, you can be sure, other boys put him to the test. He had to constantly struggle and fight and stay strong. As an adult, Suefinally met up with his father. He’d waited for that moment his whole life. He wanted to hurt the man who had made his life so miserable. But the father said that he had named him Sue because he knew he wouldn’t be around to help the boy grow up. Your father knew that as well.”
    “What’s your point?”
    “That maybe your father gave you some things you’re not even aware of, or that you are not willing to accept.”
    Caleb’s face reddened, and not because of his fever. “Listen. You are a man who wears dresses and because of that you’ve seen a lot of headshrinkers, but that doesn’t mean you know what the hell you’re talking about. Serial murderers have no empathy for other people. None. They don’t feel the pain of their victims. And that’s what I was—just another victim.”
    “But isn’t it possible sometimes your father saw beyond himself, saw beyond his madness?”
    “That’s wishful thinking. My father saw nothing. He was a mimic. He mimicked the emotions of other people like I can mimic a noise or a voice, or the way you mimic being a woman.”
    “I don’t think of myself as a mimic.”
    “Oh, that’s right. You’re a
berdache
.” Caleb’s voice hardened. “Tell me, do you squat when you pee?”
    “I’m sorry you’re hurting,” Lola said. “But lashing out at me won’t help you.”
    She stood up, but before leaving the room, she felt his forehead. “You’re still very hot. You need to rest.”
    “Not before the grand finale.”
    Lola looked at him quizzically.
    “My father’s death,” he explained. “It’s coming up.”
    Caleb hit the Play button.
    “...when Judge Irwin announced Parker’s death sentence, the nine-months pregnant Van Doren fainted in court. Three days later she delivered a boy, whom she called Gray Junior (not taking intoaccount, or perhaps not caring, that Parker already had a son with that name). She did her best to make the birth of her son a media event and was shameless in using the baby to get center stage. At a press conference held just two days after giving birth, Van Doren held the newborn up as if he were a trophy and said, ‘The governor should show clemency to Gray Parker, the father of my baby.’
    “I was out in the audience, part of the media. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but her crocodile tears prompted me to shout, ‘Isn’t that a bit like the story of the boy who shot his parents, then threw himself on the mercy of the court because he was an orphan?’
    “Ms. Van Doren didn’t like the ensuing laughter. But the laughter didn’t stop there. I had come to the press conference prepared.
    “‘Can you tell me your blood type, Miss Van Doren?’ I asked.
    “‘My what?’
    “‘Your blood type.’
    “‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said.
    “‘Apparently not. For your information, your blood type is A positive. And your baby’s blood type is O positive.’
    “Standing at her microphone, she looked very confused. ‘So what?’
    “‘So who’s the real father of your child? It can’t be Gray Parker, because his blood type is B positive.’
    “The press conference exploded with questions, some for me and some for Leslie Van Doren. I told the reporters that Gray Parker had suspected the child wasn’t his and had asked me to investigate. I also said he would gladly submit to a DNA test to prove beyond any doubt he wasn’t the father.
    “As for Van Doren, she very loudly declared, ‘Either Gray is the father or it was Immaculate Conception.’
    “In subsequent days, reporters proved conclusively it wasn’t the latter. According to several published accounts, Van Doren had done as much hooking as she had cocktailing.
    “As for Parker’s suspicion that the child wasn’t his, he never told me much more than, ‘I tried to not