Shoe Strings

with her
hands.   Kerri Ann saw her nails were
bitten to the quick.   “We…he…we had
sex.”
    Kerri Ann hadn’t imagined someone like Lita would be
embarrassed by sex.   But she saw
more than embarrassment on Lita’s face.   Her friend looked miserable.   “I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been with Jess, but was it really
that bad?”
    “No, of course it wasn’t bad.”   She flung her hands in the air.   “It was the absolute opposite of bad.”
    “Then why do you look so sad?”
    Lita hopped off the stool and began to pace.   “I’ve only known him for a little over a
week.   Seven days and I jump into
bed with him at the first chance.”   She grabbed the sides of her hair in each hand and shook her head.   “What in the world was I thinking?”
    Amused, and a little bit concerned to see Lita walking the
primrose path, she smiled.   “I doubt
there was much thought involved.   Jesse always had a way of sort of…blanking a woman’s mind.”
    “You’re laughing at me.”   She stopped pacing and turned to face
Kerri Ann.   “I’m in crisis mode and
you think it’s funny.”
    “I don’t think it’s funny.   Well, maybe a little funny,” she said
with a grin.   “I’m just
kidding.   Now, what exactly is the problem?   You do like him, don’t you?”
    “Yes, I like him.   That’s the problem.”   She
slumped against the bar.   “I have to
go home at some point and…I care about him.   We talked about things, a lot of things,
about me and about him.   I haven’t
felt this close to a man…ever.”
    “Lita, it doesn’t have to end when you go home.   Atlanta’s not that far.   Lord knows, I’ve driven there and back
many times.”
    Lita slid onto the stool and looked her in the eye.   “He told me about living there, his time
away from you and Ty.”   She twisted
the citrine ring on her finger.   “God, this is so weird talking to you about this.   Do you hate me?”
    “Don’t be stupid.”   She looked at Lita, her beautiful face etched in worry and something
more.   She had real feelings for
Jesse.   Kerri Ann recognized the
look of a woman worried about sliding headfirst into trouble.   “You know, I was pissed off when he
left.   We were fighting all the
time.   He was miserable and I was
miserable.   We were making Ty
miserable.   So I told him to
go.   He wouldn’t do it at
first—leave me and Ty and his dad.   He needed to.   I could see
everything building up in him.   So I
told him, if he didn’t go, I’d divorce him and sue for full custody.   He knew I’d do it, so he left.”   She fingered the hole in her jeans and
picked at the strings coming loose.   “It was hard.   Hell, it was
the hardest thing I’d ever done, letting him go, taking care of Ty all by
myself.   And I missed him, more than
I thought I would.   But then I
realized I had missed something more than him.”
    “What?” Lita asked, her attention riveted.
    “Me.   Kerri Ann
Russell.   When he left, it was the
first time I’d ever been on my own.   It was the first time I thought about me and what I wanted apart from
Jesse. I hadn’t been anything other than his since I was thirteen.   Can you imagine?   Once I got over being mad at him for
wanting something different and for having to leave to get it, I realized that
I wasn’t in love with him.   I’ll
always love him, but we aren’t supposed to be together.   Even when he came back, I didn’t want
him back.”
    “Why are you telling me this?”
    “Because you’re scared of your feelings for him.   You’re scared of what he’s got here and
of taking a piece of it with you.   You taking some of Jesse isn’t any different than Bryce taking some of
me.   We’re still a family.”   She tapped Lita’s knee lightly with her
fist.   “If you get scared and run
back to Atlanta instead of dealing with your feelings, it wouldn’t change a
thing that’s going on here.   But if
you take off, don’t think you’re doing him a favor.   I’d be on you.”
    “A part of me wants to run back and forget about everything
he’s stirred up inside of me.   But I
know I won’t forget.   And there’s my
business and my father to deal with.”   She’d had six missed calls from him while they’d been away and another
conversation where he’d simultaneously pleaded and demanded she return.   She knew she was living on borrowed
time.
    “What does your father have to