Shutdown (Glitch)

not fall, no matter the assault the enemy might bring.” His voice was booming now. “We are human now, our hearts are flesh, I declare it! And by our strong will and by God’s grace, we will not allow them to harden back into stone!”
    A cry of agreement went up from the crowd. They surged to their feet, as swept up by his words as I had been. I looked at their faces, the tears running down cheeks, the looks of joy in their gleaming eyes. So many of us were longing for the forgiveness Cole promised was possible.
    “Let’s pray,” Cole said, and the crowd quieted, but didn’t sit back down. One voice spoke out in prayer, and when they finished, another rose and then another. Most people closed their eyes as they spoke. I couldn’t bear to look at them anymore. I left my tray and got to my feet, slowly inching my way through the suffocating crowd until I reached the hallway. When I got to the hall, I started running. I ran all the way back to my dorm, and when inside, I bent to lean my head over my knees and took breath after breath.
    Cole said forgiveness was possible. Redemption. Even for him, and he’d killed while under the control of the Regulators’ programming. Didn’t that mean that I too could be redeemed? Even in spite of calling out to the Regs and getting my older brother killed when I was a child, in spite of so many others who’d gotten hurt or captured because of me? In spite of all that had been done to Adrien?
    I sat on my bed with my knees drawn up to my chin. Lately it had seemed easier to let myself be stone, but maybe Cole was right. Wasn’t letting ourselves be softened by compassion and mercy at the heart of what we were fighting for in the first place?
    I stared hard at the wall. I didn’t want to be driven by rage or hatred anymore. I wanted a heart of flesh again.
    Xona and Ginni came in a few minutes later. I saw questions in their eyes when they looked at me, probably wondering why I’d left in the middle of the prayers. I wasn’t sure how to explain it, if I even wanted to, so I turned to Ginni instead.
    “Hey, Ginns, can you check on my brother?”
    “Sure.” She smiled brightly. I leaned my head back against the wall of my bunk and closed my eyes. I’d get my weekly reassurance he was okay, and tonight, for once, I’d fall asleep easily.
    But after a few moments, Ginni still hadn’t said anything. My head snapped up. She was frowning, her brow furrowed.
    “Ginni,” I prompted, barely managing to keep my voice steady. “Where is he?”
    She didn’t speak for several more seconds, but then her eyes flew open. My chest went tight with dread.
    Her lips trembled as she said, “He’s with the Chancellor at her personal compound.”

 
    Chapter 7
    I WAS RUNNING THROUGH THE woods. The sunlight was bright. It made my eyes hurt. We shouldn’t be here. But someone insistently tugged me forward, and I looked down to see a young man’s hand dwarfing mine. I followed the line of his arm up to his body and face. One second it was my older brother Daavd, but the next moment the face shifted slightly to become Markan. He lifted his other hand to his mouth.
    “Shh, Zoe, don’t make a sound.”
    I knew what came next. I knew it like a script I’d spoken too many times: me calling out to the Regulators, them chasing my brother to the ground in front of me, and the betrayed look on his face as he gazed at me in the last moment of his life. All my fault.
    Even as the dream played out, I struggled against it. My child’s mouth opened to call out to the guard. I felt my desire for all the confusing and anomalous things to stop. But then I also felt the horror of it and clamped a hand over my mouth. This was my brother! I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t betray him again!
    But then the ground under our feet started rumbling, and the Regulators nearby found us anyway. We weren’t in a forest anymore, but were surrounded by a rocky terrain with giant boulders that were slowly closing in on us from all sides.
    “Markan, run!” I shouted. But the shaking ground tripped him. He fell, letting go of my hand. And I just kept running. Even though everything in me screamed to go back for him, my feet kept moving forward. I looked behind me. The Regulators were so close now. They were almost to Markan. With a herculean effort, I forced my feet to a stop and spun around. I held out my hands as a blistering rage rose and then exploded outward through my fingertips. The Regulators’ bodies were