Shutdown (Glitch)

bumped into his chest. I flattened my hand and then followed the line of his sternum up to his neck and then to his face. I closed my eyes and sank into the sensation of finally being able to touch him again after all these months. I knew he was different now. I knew this wasn’t exactly the same boy as when he’d last allowed such intimate contact. But here, in the darkness at what might be the end of my life, I realized it didn’t make a difference.
    I would love him forever. No matter how he changed. No matter if he didn’t love me back. It might be tragic, but it was true.
    I cupped his face in my hand, brushing my thumb back and forth across the bristling hair growing along his jaw. Then I moved my forefinger to trace the outline of his full lips. They parted suddenly as he let in a quick intake of breath.
    I smiled. So I was affecting him after all. The knowledge made me bolder. I shifted so that I was closer to him, still not touching my chest to his, but close enough that the infinitesimal space between us was afire with heat.
    We didn’t speak. It was as if speaking would break the spell. As if, in the darkness, here in the middle of nowhere, all the normal rules of the world were bent. Anything and everything was permitted in the dark.
    His hands had been slack at his sides, but he finally lifted them again. He pulled back the wide neck of my tunic and ran his strong hands across my shoulder, massaging up my neck and then behind my head, tangling in my hair. For a brief heady moment, I thought he was going to tug me closer and kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead, he kneaded my scalp at the base of my neck and then worked his way slowly upward, all across my skull. I bent my head down against his chest as he continued and breathed in the cool clean scent of him.
    Eventually, he finally dropped his hand back down to my shoulder and then continued the well-worn path up and down the side of my body. I lost all sense of time. Every moment he touched me seemed to both stretch out forever and pass all too quickly. But finally, the question that had been haunting me for days popped out, a whisper that sounded inordinately loud after the heavy silence. “Why did you come back for me?”
    His hand paused and I cringed. I shouldn’t have said anything. I knew speaking would shatter the moment.
    But to my surprise, he responded. “To be honest,” his voice was hesitant, “I came back because it never occurred to me not to. Not once. All I knew was that you were in danger and I had to do something right away. The whole time I was gone, all I could think about was getting back to you. I couldn’t imagine living in a world without you in it.”
    My heart stuttered, and impulsively I decided to take one last reckless chance. I lifted my hand to his face again and stretched my head forward until my lips gently brushed his. A shudder rocked through his body and I moved my lips against his more firmly.
    After just a moment of hesitation, he responded. His hands on my bare waist tightened until he was gripping me hard, pulling me closer still against him. His mouth opened ever so slightly and he kissed me deeper. Every other thought flew from my head except the earth-shattering joy at finally being able to kiss the boy I loved.
    I dug my hands into his hair, and he suddenly flipped me so that I was on my back. He hovered over me, bracing himself with one hand on either side of my body. He dipped down and kissed me deeply again. Then he moved from my lips and kissed his way down my neck. I arched up into him.
    And then the worst possible thing happened.
    A shaft of morning sunlight broke over the mountains behind us, straight into the cave. Adrien pulled back as if he’d been stung. For a brief moment, our eyes locked together, both of us breathing raggedly. But when I reached out a hand toward his face, he suddenly jumped back before I could make contact. He leapt to his feet and turned his back to me. I could tell he was still breathing hard because his back heaved violently up and down.
    “Adrien, I—”
    “I need to refill the water bottle,” he interrupted before I could say anything more. He grabbed the bottle from his pack and then all but ran out of the cave.
    I tried to talk to him all day, but he always cut me off with short, curt answers. He kept his eyes on the ground and refused to look at me. He took a long nap in the afternoon and the rest of the time kept busy unpacking and then repacking the