Shutdown (Glitch)

the corner where my med container was. I sat down with my back against it. I ate several spoonfuls of stew, barely noticing that it burned my mouth it was so hot.
    I finally put down the bowl and looked across the room at Adrien, who sat eating on his cot, still reading from his tablet. He hadn’t spoken to me all day. I moved my hand from my bowl to massage my aching chest. It hurt so much it felt like my heart was literally breaking. Because I loved him, both who he had been and who he was now. I loved all of him, and always would. But my love for him was only an incomplete half of a whole. He didn’t love me back, and that meant the jagged gash that had been punched through my heart would bleed forever.
    It didn’t matter, I tried to tell myself. After our time in the wilderness, I believed more than ever that Adrien was going to be okay. Maybe if there was any hope at all, it was in that. He could live a full life now. A life without me.
    The vote had sounded like a firm answer. Like it was settled. But seeing Henk stomp out of the room like that, I knew it wasn’t. And City had been right too. I wasn’t fit to lead, not when I’d always been such a danger to everyone around me. If I accidently caused another earthquake once my telek energy replenished fully, I could lead the Chancellor right to them all over again. I wouldn’t let that happen. It was the same realization I’d had after the first quake. I’d ignored it or been too tired to think about anything other than getting to safety the past couple weeks. But the danger of my presence still remained. There was only one thing to do.
    It would be my last gift to the ones that I loved.
    I would leave them.

 
    Chapter 22
    EARLY THE NEXT AFTERNOON, I sat down beside Henk on his bottom bunk as he sipped a large cup of coffee. “I need to talk to you.”
    He winced at my words and put a hand to his forehead. “A little softer, love. My head’s pounding.”
    I leaned in, worried. He’d slept in till almost noon, then had barely spoken a word to anyone while he warmed up his coffee.
    “What’s wrong with you?” I asked. He looked more ragged than usual. The circles under his eyes were dark and the scruff on his cheeks heavier.
    Henk ran a hand over his face. “It’s nothin’ that won’t heal with a few cups of coffee.”
    He seemed to sense that I still wasn’t catching his meaning. He sighed. “I got piss-faced drunk last night after the vote. I keep a stash of gin on the transport.”
    So that was where he’d disappeared to after he’d stalked out last night. A few people had whispered at breakfast about him stumbling in right before sunrise.
    “Well, no more of that,” I said, my voice severe. “I need you alert. I wanted to leave tonight, but not if you’re in this condition.”
    “Leave where?” he asked. Several people around us looked our way and I shushed him.
    “It’s not safe for everyone if I stay here.” I kept my voice low.
    He looked like he was about to object, but I silenced him with a look. Slowly, he nodded. “Guess that might be true.”
    “So I need you to drop me somewhere. And Henk,” I put a hand gently on his forearm, “I’ll do what I can to free Jilia and the others.”
    His head shot up in surprise, his eyes wide. “You will?”
    I nodded. “The Chancellor has my brother too.” Then I looked around furtively. “But don’t tell anyone. I don’t want anyone to know until I’m gone.”
    He stared at me, frowning, but then finally nodded his head.
    “Lunch is ready!” Rand’s voice boomed throughout the room and Henk winced again.
    I looked at Henk one last time. “We’ll leave early tomorrow morning then. It will probably be good for me to get another day of nutrition and rest anyway.”
    I stood up and headed toward the kitchen area. With nothing to do all day, mealtimes had turned into big events because they broke up the monotony. But unlike the past few days, no one was laughing or joking today. Several others had gathered around to get their sandwiches, but I noticed they weren’t crowded haphazardly together like yesterday. Everyone bunched up according to how they’d voted last night. Half filled their plates and sat at one end of the room and the others arranged themselves at the opposite side.
    I sighed, half tempted to go back into the container to see how many more hours I could manage to sleep before having to face real life again.
    But I couldn’t avoid being awake forever.