Shutdown (Glitch)

open. “But then why?” I finally whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you push me away? We could have had all these months together.”
    “Because you kept talking about him. Talking about your memories together. It hurt so much to have you look at me with love but know it wasn’t for me. Emotions were new, and the hurt cut so deep.” He shook his head, trapping my hand against his chest when I tried to pull it away.
    “I couldn’t bear it,” he continued. “I tried to harden myself. Deny I felt anything for you at all. I tried to convince myself that love itself was illogical. That it made me weak.” His voice was low and raw. “So I forced myself not to touch you when you came to visit every afternoon. I forced myself not to look in your eyes. I wanted so badly not to love you. I’d even half convinced myself I didn’t.
    “But then when we were out in the wilderness,” his words were a rush now, “and the rendezvous site was burned and I knew you’d go into an allergy attack at any moment, all logic fled from my head. I had to save you. I didn’t question the impulse, not till later. And then when I did, it was so clear to me what I’d been denying all along.” His eyes met mine. “I love you, Zoe. Every incarnation of me will love you, even when this body is just bones and dust.”
    Each time he said the words I love you , a flutter went through my stomach like some long-dormant bird finally taking flight again. I could barely believe what he was saying.
    His eyes glistened in the dim light. “That night in the cave, I let myself forget everything except the feel of you against me. But then morning came, and as much as it felt like ripping my heart out of my chest, I knew I still couldn’t bear to live like that. With you looking at me with love in your eyes, but really seeing him. Even if it meant I could be with you, I couldn’t do it.” His face darkened and he looked down. “Because I didn’t ever believe you could love me back. Not when I’m so much … less. Less than everything he was.”
    I freed my hand from his so that I could nudge his chin up and make him look at me. “Don’t ever say that.” My voice was thick with emotion. “You’re different now, it’s true. But not at all any less. When I visited you every afternoon, it didn’t matter to me that you weren’t exactly the same—how could you be after everything that happened to you? All I wanted was for you to look at me like you used to, like I meant something to you.” My voice broke and I looked down. “Ever since I started glitching I’ve loved people who couldn’t love me back—my brother, my parents. But it hurt worst of all when you didn’t love me, because I knew how it felt to be loved by you.” I looked back up at him.
    He looked at me uncertainly. “I’m still not sure I believe you.” But before he could second-guess it or start to pull away again, I went up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. He kissed me back, hesitantly at first. But then his arms slowly wound around my waist, pulling me up and into him. Our heartbeats drummed madly against each others’ chests. I closed my eyes and sank into him, not coming up for air until our heads bumped against the ceiling.
    Adrien pulled back, laughing. My eyes popped open and I realized I’d lifted us right up off the ground. We bobbed by the ceiling but I didn’t drop us down; I just threw my arms around his neck, hugging him so hard I was probably about to crack his ribs. He didn’t complain, though, and held me to him with as much intensity.
    “Say it again,” I whispered in his ear.
    He didn’t ask what I meant. He pulled back and looked me straight in the eye. “I love you.”
    I couldn’t think about the uncertain future or about all my reasons for leaving, which were still completely valid in spite of this revelation. All I could think about was the singing happiness of knowing that Adrien loved me.
    I’d never felt more complete than in this moment, not in my entire life.
    And then several loud boom s shook the compound.

 
    Chapter 23
    I LOOKED AROUND IN CONFUSION and dropped Adrien and myself back to the ground. He seemed just as bewildered as he pulled me back into the main room. Everyone was on their feet, scrambling to figure out what was going on.
    “She did it again!” City yelled, pointing at me. “We have to send her away! She’s gonna get us all cracked.”
    I looked down at my hands, then at my