Steamed

something so stupid. I’m too embarrassed to tell you.” I'll just stay in this bathroom forever, I decided. This is totally humiliating, and he’s going to bolt out of here thinking I have some crazy STD.
    “Chloe, what is it? Are you going to come out of there?” I heard Josh just outside the door.
    I was just going to have to tell him the truth. How else could I explain why one minute I’d been ready to leap into bed and the next I was wailing in the bathroom? To get ordeal over, I spoke as fast as I could. “This is awful, Josh, but I wanted to be all cute and sexy tonight, and I thought something might happen, see, so I got this thing that was supposed to rub off all the hair on my legs better than a razor, and now I have something that looks like some freaky jungle rash. I think I took off half of my skin!”
    To his credit, Josh started laughing. “Are you okay? It sounds like it probably hurts.”
    “No, I’m not okay.” I moaned from behind the closed door. “You better go. I’m way too dorky to ever come out of here. I’m going to spend the rest of my life locked in this bathroom.”
    “Let me see,” he insisted. “It can’t be that bad.”
    “Yes it can! In fact, it already is.”
    “Chloe, please open the door.”
    “Fine. But promise you won’t laugh anymore. It is not in the least bit funny.” I cracked the door. “All right, come in.”
    “Okay, pull your pants down,” Josh said.
    “That’s romantic,” I said sadly. “This isn’t at all how I pictured it.”
    “I’m serious. I want to help you,” he said. “I’m not coming on to you. Well, not right this minute. Just let me see.”
    I sighed and, thanks to all the wine I’d consumed, lowered my pants.
    “Man, that must sting.” Josh grimaced. “But I think I have an idea.”
    He led me to the bedroom. “Okay, take your pants off,” he instructed.
    “More romance,” I sighed.
    “I’m going to get the cold packs I used to bring the food over, and we’ll put those on the worst spots. That should make you feel a little better.”
    I lay down on the bed and covered my eyes with my hands. “I can’t even look at myself!” I screamed. “This is awful!”
    My beloved returned with ice packs wrapped in paper towels and placed them on my bikini line. “There, now keep those on for a while. I’m going to pour us more wine, and we’ll watch some TV together, okay?”
    “Can you turn off the light?” I begged. “Neither of us should have to look at me.”
    “I think you look gorgeous, rashy legs and all, but I’ll turn it off if you want.” Josh kissed me deeply before getting our drinks and hitting the lights.
    Josh and I spent the rest of the evening with me sitting in front of him, leaning back on his chest and exposing my poor legs to the air. I thanked him a hundred times for the amazing dinner and apologized even more times for not being able to ravish him the way I was dying to. He ran his hands through my hair, kissed the top of my head and my cheeks, and promised there was no rush. We channel surfed and talked and cuddled until midnight, when we both fell asleep. I woke up for a few minutes around three and got up to turn off the television. I crawled back into bed next to Josh and drifted right back to sleep. I’d found a cure for my insomnia, yes. But how permanent a cure?
     

SIXTEEN
     
    BRIMMING with frustration, I dragged myself into my field placement the next morning. In between yawning from a late night, scratching my itching, burning rash, and muddling my way through hotline calls, I called my parents. “How’s the chef?” my mother asked eagerly.
    “Amazing. Dinner at Magellan was fantastic. And then he came over last night and cooked for me, too.” In all seriousness, I announced, “I may have to marry him.”
    “Well, that’s wonderful, dear,” she said distractedly. “I have to go now and check on Mrs. Ainsley’s yard. She seems to think her water fountain is bubbling too loudly. Love you!” I’d just have to confide all the details to Ade.
    I called Detective Hurley again and left him another message telling him that Eric was not the wealthy bachelor he’d made himself out to be and that I’d be happy to discuss the implications of this matter at his earliest convenience.
    Josh called to say he was off on Wednesday night and wanted to take me to Essence, in part to check out his old rival’s food and in part to support Tim’s restaurant. Of course, I agreed. Maybe