Take Care, Sara

everything that reminded me of him, to heal. And I don’t mean you when I say things I needed to get away from. You know what I mean. Or maybe you don’t.
    “I want to ask you to wait for me, to keep loving me, to not decide I’m a waste of time, but I don’t feel like I have the place to tell you that. Do I, Lincoln? I can tell what you’re thinking. I mean, even now, when you’re not talking, I can feel your anger. You’re bristling with it, aren’t you? So stubborn. Why have you loved me for so long?” Sara whispered. “I don’t think I’m worthy of it. But I guess it’s not for me to decide who loves me or doesn’t.”
    Sara walked to the sliding glass doors and looked out at the pink and orange sunset, placing a hand on the cool glass, touching the sky. “I guess I should admit the obvious: I didn’t find me. I failed in that quest. I came here to find me and found there wasn’t anything to find. The person I used to be; the old Sara, she’s gone. I can’t find what no longer exists. But that’s okay. It has to be.
    “It doesn’t hurt as much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m away from it all or if it’s because I’m simply healing. But I can think of him without feeling like my heart is being ripped out. I can think his name. I can say his name. Slowly, painfully, my wounds are closing. I know it won’t take weeks or months to be completely healed. I don’t know if I ever will be. But at least I can breathe without feeling like my insides are being crushed.
    “I…” Sara swallowed and turned away from the window. “You don’t remind me of him, Lincoln; you obliterate him. That makes me sad and relieved all at once.” Sara’s throat tightened. “I’m losing him, the part of me that loves him; it’s leaving, fading. I hate that, but I know it has to happen. He’s gone. I finally accept that Cole’s gone. It hurts. I know it will always hurt. But you…you make it stop hurting. I miss you, Lincoln. At first I told myself it was because I was lonely. I told myself a lot of things at first, but I do…I really do. I know…I know you can never replace him. I don’t want that. I see you now, Lincoln. I think I always did, but I wouldn’t let myself. I see you and I—“ She bit her lip to keep the declaration in. The silence from Lincoln was thick and full of longing. She could feel it; hers mirrored his. “I see you. I know that, if nothing else,” Sara said lamely. “I’m not making sense. Good night. Take care, Lincoln.”
    ***
    The rain pelted against the glass, blurring the darkened world outside the room. Sara stared at the rivulets as they slid down the pane, each one a piece of her past washing away. She looked at her reflection, sucking in a sharp breath at the face looking back at her. It wasn’t her own. A sad smile partially lifted his lips and his eyes stared all the love he had for her, would always have for her, back at her.
    “Cole,” she whispered, her tears mocking the raindrops on the window as they trailed down her cheeks. “I miss you, Cole.” Sara’s throat was tight and her chest ached. That part of her heart that would always belong to Cole mourned him. “It scares me that he’s taking over your place in my heart.”
    “He’s not taking it over, Sara. You’re just making room for him. You do have the capability to love more than one person.” She heard the grin in his voice, closed her eyes to better hear him.
    “But I think of him instead of you. I want him like I used to want you.”
    “You should. He’s alive. I’m not. I get it, Sara. I’m okay with it. You’re the one who isn’t and has to be.” A pause. “Take care, Sara.”
    Sara lifted a palm to his face and it shifted away like sand in the wind, one tiny particle at a time until only her image could be seen. She couldn’t see him, but his words stayed with her, whether actually heard or imagined. Take care, Sara.
    ***
    “You’re ready to go.”
    Sara played with a dandelion in the grass, staining her fingers with yellow. She brushed her fingertips over the soft petals, thinking of Lincoln’s lips. Sara shivered in spite of the humid, hot day; her clothes unpleasantly sticking to her.
    “How can you tell?” she asked Dana, glancing to where she sat cross-legged on the blanket, surprisingly sprite for one so old. She wore a purple and hot pink zigzagged shirt and silver capris. Sara wore a more muted down outfit; a white tee shirt and black cotton