Tales of the City 01 - Tales of the City

notice that, wouldn’t you?”
    “Didn’t you?”
    “Not when I’m with somebody I care about!” Jon looked down at his drink. “I think you’re expecting too much of me, Beauchamp.”
    Silence.
    “I think this should be … it.”
    “Just like that, huh?”
    “It isn’t ‘just like that’ and you know it. It’s been coming on for a long time.”
    “It’s DeDe, isn’t it?”
    “No. Not entirely.”
    “Well, what, then?”
    “I’m not sure exactly.”
    “Yes you are.”
    “Beauchamp … I don’t think I trust you.”
    “Jesus!”
    “I know DeDe can’t trust you. Why should I trust you?”
    “That’s different.”
    “It’s not different. She hurts the same way you and I do.”
    “Look, what is this shit with DeDe? What the hell has DeDe got to do with …?”
    “She’s pregnant, Beauchamp.” Silence.
    “She’s a patient of mine.”
    “Fuck.”
    “Well, somebody did.”
    “Jesus Christ.”
    “He’s as good a possibility as any, I suppose.”
    “How can you joke about this, Jon?”
    “It isn’t my joke, Beauchamp. It’s yours. I’m not gonna be part of this.”
    The food arrived. Neither of them spoke until the waiter had gone.
    “I still wanna see you, Jon.”
    “It figures.”
    “There’s a party at the club on Christmas Eve.”
    “I have plans on Christmas Eve.” He pushed his chair back and stood up, dropping a ten-dollar bill on the table. “I’m not hungry. It’s on me.”
    Beauchamp grabbed his wrist. “Wait a minute, goddammit! Did you tell DeDe about us?”
    “Let go.”
    “I wanna know!”
    Jon jerked his arm free and straightened his tie. “She’s a nice woman,” he said. “She could have done better than you.”

Edgar on the Brink
    T HE CRAMPS HAD BEGUN AGAIN.
    Edgar stood up from his desk and stretched his arms out slowly, arcing them from his body like a tired semaphorist.
    He repeated the exercise four or five times, long enough to realize that it wasn’t working, then confronted the mirror in his office washroom. His face was waxy white.
    Chronic pyelonephritis. Renal disease. Toxic products that would back up just so long until one day … acute pericarditis would cause his heart to stop.
    A lot of fancy words for bum kidneys.
    Mary Ann buzzed him from the outer office. “Mildred called from Production. She wants to talk to you about the mailboy.”
    “For Christ’s sake! Can’t you keep that old bat off my neck long enough …”
    “I’m sorry, Mr. Halcyon. She was really upset, and I didn’t know what …”
    “Did he flip her the bird again?”
    Mary Ann giggled. “You’re not gonna believe it.”
    “The suspense is killing me.”
    “She caught him Xeroxing his … privates.”
    “What!”
    “She came in early this morning and found him on top of the Xerox machine … with his pants down.”
    Edgar began to laugh. So hard, in fact, that he broke into a coughing jag.
    “Are you all right, Mr. Halcyon?”
    “That’s the funniest … goddamn thing I’ve … What was he going to do with it?”
    Now Mary Ann broke up. “He’s … he’s been doing it for weeks, Mr. Halcyon.” She paused for a moment to collect herself. “Everybody in Production called him the Xerox Flasher, but nobody knew who it was. Mildred …” She began to giggle again, losing control.
    “Mildred what?” Christ, he thought. Am I gossiping with my secretary?
    “Mildred thought it was somebody from Creative….”
    “Mmm. Perverts all.”
    “Anyway … he always made a lot of copies and left them in the secretaries’ desks every morning … until Mildred found out about it.”
    “Hell, he’s the only person in the building who isn’t guilty of false advertising!”
    “Well, not exactly.”
    Edgar began to laugh again. “Oh, God! Don’t tell
    me …”
    “Yes, sir. He was using the enlarger.”
    Frannie called after lunch, obviously distraught.
    “Edgar, I want you to do something about those people at Macy’s.”
    “What is it this time?”
    “I have never, Edgar … in all my life … been so humiliated….”
    “Frannie …”
    “I went to Loehmann’s this morning, out at Westlake….”
    “I thought you said Macy’s?”
    “Let me finish. I went to Loehmann’s, because I wanted to get something nice for Helen for Christmas, and Loehmann’s has perfectly darling designer-line clothes like Anne Klein, Beene Bag, Blassport …”
    “Frannie.”
    “I have to explain this, Edgar! Loehmann’s has these marvelous clothes, see,